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@the-inkspiller I just finished going over your story and left some big-picture comments in there. Regarding the five things you mentioned:

1) Style. I’m assuming you mean writing style, and I’d say it was interesting and pretty concise. Some parts had a bit too much subtext, resulting in me being confused. So clearing up some of that could strengthen the story. Your descriptions were unique and fitting though.

2) Characters. The characters were interesting in regard to actions, but with the exception of Scribe and the slave, I didn’t feel that I knew them, and often got them mixed up. As I mentioned in the document, cutting down the number of names and also sticking to one POV per scene could help with that. Having a single POV could also allow readers more quickly develop an emotional connection to the characters. It was there by the end (that last scene with the slave almost sacrificed and Scribe believing was really, really good), but doing so a bit quicker could strengthen the overall story.

3) Theme. I also commented in the document, but I was intrigued by the whole idea of the theme and the climax felt powerful. Just clarifying it earlier and tweaking the resolution a bit could help.

4/5) Motif & Theme. I think these are a bit related to the theme, but just clarifying them earlier could help. That’s probably my biggest note: to clarify things and make them a bit less complex so it’s easy to understand them in a short story. You have an intriguing storyline, a unique world, and a powerful theme, and I think it’s just a matter of making them more concise and clear to get a stronger story out of it 🙂