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@lonathecat

I liked the first and second sections the most, though, I sort of wish there was more to the second… It left me wandering. So good!

There seemed (personally) to be a lack of commas in the first section. And one comma where it shouldn’t have been. If you’d like I can point out each time I thought it could use/eliminate one.

Also, some of the things Hayan said seemed a bit modern for the feel of the piece. But that is a very minor thing I almost didn’t mention!

Again, they were good! Your friend is so lucky to get to see these things of yours. (: Maybe he would be interested in joining StoryEmbers?

I hope I was at least a little helpful! Thank you for sharing this with us.