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Hi @kayla-skywriter!’

I sneaked a look (like I read the entire thing!) of your story, and there are things I really like. However, there are also some things I don’t. Some notes before I start on my comments:

NOTE #1: I have not read all the replies to this, so I apologize if I repeat or even disagree with anyone else here.

NOTE #2: My family was a foster family for over 6 years. We had children ages 4 days to nine almost ten years old. My parents also fostered 15 years ago for a couple of years as well. So foster care is not new to me from the foster parent standpoint. (I was basically the 2nd mother of the family, so I had a lot of hands-on knowledge and intel from that.)

NOTE #3: I have not been writing for nearly as long as many of the people here. My comments on it have to do purely with the settings and people, not the story itself. So, please keep that in mind.

Now for my actual comments.

Firstly, I like the betrayal of the foster parents (all of them) and the social worker. They are very well done. Most of the time, I see one side of the coin, or even two sides, but people don’t always realize there are like…50 sides. No case is the same. No foster kid is the same. No foster family is the same. And no social worker is the same. There might be some similarities and patterns, but there are way more of even those than people realize. So, thumbs up for some accurate betrayals.

Now…41 foster homes is pretty…unbelievable. We had two children who ended up in over 11 homes over a five-year time span, but that was considered extreme. Most children, especially ones who enter the system as babies, don’t end up going to more than five to ten homes in their lifetimes. Jane is only 13. Yes, she’s been in the system a long time, but frankly, 41 is excessive.

Also, I’m pretty sure albinism is one of those things that require extra medical care, and so they might require a therapeutic foster license, which would limit the pool of foster parents. (We were therapeutic foster parents, and believe me, it’s a lot of work.) I’d have to research that though.

I’d like to see more details that people in the foster system would know about, but maybe not everybody else — it makes it more immersive, like world-building. Like that social worker’s cars are always white, and most of the time they’re sudans. (At least the ones we saw.) They store car seats in their trunks that are grey, so they can be used for either gender. Social workers wear their name tags all the time, even on home visits. Things like that.

But the biggest thing that struck me is that Jane is barely traumatized at all. You kind of attribute that to her faith, but be honest — where did she get it? You make no real mention of where and when she learned true faith, and how she managed to have stronger faith at times. She’s too good. Yes, she’s got issues, but you brush aside so many of the real problems foster kids have, even if they’ve been in the system for only a short time. You can’t make her an exception because of a faith that feels like it’s just been given to her by the writer. Make me believe it, and I’ll fall in love with her.

I love Daniel. He’s great.

Those are some of my random notes. I’d be glad to give more thoughts, but I’m a little cramped for time right now.

~Katy