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@mcnoggin whoo-hoo! I really love that. Great job.

My thoughts…

• I’m super impressed you managed to pack that amount of punch in so few words.
• I feel like the main character is a teenaged boy instead of a little girl, but I’m not entirely certain it matters too much.
• I would take out the MC’s first line of dialogue: ‘The beginning of the end’, as it states something the reader should be feeling and kind of kills the moment.
• I LOVE the juxtaposition of their mood (everything must end) against the hope of the last sunrise. You captured that very well.
• You miiiiiight possibly have had a few too many metaphors, but I’m not a hundred percent on that. If other SS’s think so, you might want to go through and cut out a few of the ones that don’t go with the theme of the ‘old man’.

What do the rest of you people think?