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@the-fledgling-artist @i-david

Here’s the first one!! It’s from the very start of the book. Any input you have is helpful! And don’t worry about being too harsh or anything, I can take it. Basically any sort of critique you have I’ll take, I’m not looking for anything specifically critiqued.

Although… since you were both in the RPFL when Kor and Eiri were… can you tell me if their personalities and character in general seem very much different in the snippets than in the RP?

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Eirivia POV

I hurriedly finished packing my bag, slung it over my shoulder, and rushed into my twin’s room.

“Kor, you ready? We need to go.” I noticed Korzen’s silky black hair was more tousled than usual as I waited for an answer. It made sense, considering how rushed we were.

He threw a couple more things into a knapsack and put it on. “Ready. Where are we meeting Jaren again?”

“In the clearing… you know, the memorable one?” I smirked at him as we dashed out of the house and I started heading for the small, sickly woods nearby.

Kor nodded in recognition and followed me. “Oh. That one. Yep, I remember.” I kept going and soon we reached the clearing. I stiffened, a tall figure stood on the far side, waiting for us. The figure stepped out of the shadows caused by the red-leafed trees, and I sighed in relief. It wasn’t a trap, my cousin had come through for us again. Dark-haired Jaren strode toward us. Kor ran past me and actually hugged him. My brother was emotional that way. Jaren looked startled for a moment, but quickly hid it. Korzen let go and stood back, and I caught up to where they were standing.

Jaren looked at me. “You guys alright? No problems on the way here?”

I shook my head. “No. Although you could say this entire situation is a problem.” Jaren gave me an amused smile but it quickly disappeared. Good. I hadn’t meant to be funny. I’d been speaking the truth, this situation was a problem. I shook my head and wished everything could go back to normal again. Then, I turned my attention back to the present. Jaren was speaking.

“I’m glad you made it here safely. Come with me. We won’t get there until tomorrow, but I know some tricks to stay hidden.” I nodded and Jaren turned to go. I was about to follow when I noticed Kor. My twin hadn’t moved, his face was furrowed. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke in a hushed voice.

“Do you know where we’re going? Where Jaren’s taking us?”

I glanced at Kor. “No. But, he’s taking us to a safe place. That’s all that matters.”

Korzen gave me a strange look. “You don’t really believe that, do you? You can’t possibly think that.” I didn’t answer, but the truth was, I did believe it. Jaren was taking us to a safe place, and if Jaren said it was safe, well, I trusted him. Kor was only a few seconds younger than me but I felt responsible for him. I actually felt responsible for Jaren too, even though he was three years older than me. I needed to make sure we got somewhere safe. Somewhere where they couldn’t find us. Somehow, I couldn’t help but feel like this was all my fault, I knew it wasn’t, but still.

I sighed, I was only fifteen, way too young to be thinking thoughts like these. Korzen stared at me with disbelief, almost like he knew what I was thinking. It may not seem like it, but Korzen and I are very close. We are twins after all, which means he probably did know what I was thinking. It would explain why he’d decided to glare at me about ten seconds ago. Then I heard footsteps and realized that Jaren had noticed we weren’t following him.