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Thank you so much,

@rose-colored-fancy

and

@noah-cochran

It’s super challenging getting into the head of this antagonist, because he’s being forced into villainy against his will… Perhaps too subtle, but if you noticed, on top of still being attached to his former student, whenever he thinks about not killing, trying to save, or finding some way out (like killing himself) – he gets physically ill. Then the headache goes away once he resolves to kill his student again.  (Hard pattern to write in a short section…)

You are right, Rose, he doesn’t want to kill his student, and would in fact rather want to kill himself than do it.

I tried to show he used to be a professor and was quite whimsical (the underwater ruins akin to a palace in the stars) but his research was stolen by the head sage, and the head sage used an ancient inscription… (if I go further into the explanation, it will be a spoiler…) and consequentially lead to my antagonist not having a choice in the matter – being forced to have to kill his former protege.

A synopsis… =) (tapping my fingers with my palms together, an eyebrow raised with a voracious grin on my face…) oh, you said short…. ;p

High fantasy world with a completely original magic system and over a dozen completely original races (aygiff, maunin, scyphozome, vaelintrien, loxor, evianian, etc.) The magic system is mirrored off of plato’s forms, and each race has the “essence” ability to manipulate the forms of certain things. For instance, vaelintriens can manipulate the elements, maunins can manipulate plants, aygiff’s can manipulate their own body to transform into different animals. Complex cultures that vary between races as well as between nations with a rich history dating back to legends and myths.

I know that’s a bit vague for a complex world, but… short… I’ve been in the process of building a website for my world (two books so far written – not published – in this world, and plan for more.) The website is

https://worldofkaphar.weebly.com

if you want to take a glance at it. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

@mamaauthoress

I like your characters. I thought I’d written up a response last night about it, but now I see it’s gone (sad face.) And I don’t remember what I wrote…

Oh well… here’s second impressions. =)

My first thought was there something about Coryn that makes her an oddity? I had a feeling that “lab” meant she has some sort of power or unusual ability

or perhaps that’s a hint that she has a traumatizing childhood?

second thought was, is this an android or artificial life? because of emotions being alien…

but then you wrote about the autism and that all made more sense.

so with that context, all the signs are there. It so makes sense and is very well written and makes the character more endearing in my eyes. Very, very well done!!

Oslo… Ruan- stepbrother who caused/led Oslo into trouble? Oslo has a bit of a chip on his shoulder, wants to prove himself to his father (predominantly by gaining the approval of the empress – whom his father works for?)

So question.. is Ruan the older brother? or does the father favor Ruan’s mother? so Oslo sees himself as the illigitimate one?