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@h-jones I didn’t read over what everyone else has already said, so sorry if I’m repeating anything. 😉 I can’t say a definite yes or no to this issue, but here’s some of my thoughts.

There’s a sin in your past that’s connected to writing and art, and you’re struggling because you can’t free yourself from it/forget it. But the thing is…You shouldn’t forget it. If you forget a big sin, you forget the lessons it can teach you, and if you don’t remember the serious ‘ickyness’ of it you stumble one step closer to doing it all over again.

Don’t try to forget your sin. Try to forgive yourself.

God has given you wings to fly like an eagle, but the sin is holding you back, holding you down. Forgetting isn’t the key to flying. Flying means being free despite everything else.

I’ve had that icky feeling about a past sin before (though not related to writing) and I tried to forget it for months and years but it never worked. But I eventually came to a realisation that forgetting isn’t what I needed to do. I wasn’t forgiving myself for that sin.

Jesus is about forgiveness. He died to forgive us. And if we hold our own sin over our head and don’t forgive ourselves, we’re doing no less than demeaning the cross and saying that Jesus’ sacrifice wasn’t enough.

I don’t know if you think you’ve forgiven yourself or not, but I encourage you to evaluate your heart. Think about that sin. Pour your pain out to Jesus. Speaking from personal experience–It’s hard to forgive yourself, but it’s worth it. He will give you an amazing peace if you truly give it over to him.

As for some fiction recommendations, I strongly recommend Nadine Brandes’ books (A Time to Die, A Time to Speak, and A Time to Rise) because they were so powerful in my Christian walk and so encouraging. Her more recent release Fawkes was also amazing and has a great, powerful theme and message. Definitely recommend those ones.

And finally, I’ll be praying for you, Heather. May God bless you greatly. ❤

@Josiah might have some thoughts on this too.