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@banana-peacock-warrior

I was not tagged, but I hope you don’t mind if I give some input here. I personally like it a lot! Kaleb has a fun personality. You were able to tell me a lot just in that short excerpt. Overall, really well written!

I would agree with the others that the switch was a little too sudden, but I would like to expand on that a little more. You want to make sure that Purtick has a consistent character. You spend a fair amount of time establishing his character as unrelenting, grumpy, and stony, only to flip the switch from night to day. There is a way to have him agree to come along while keeping him in character.

Perhaps something along the lines of:

“Well…how would you like to come on our adventure with us?”

For a moment, Purtick stared at me. He didn’t respond, didn’t move, didn’t blink. Just stared. Suddenly I felt really awkward. 

At last he spoke, expression unchanging: “Will we fight dragons?”

“N-” I stopped Kaleb with a stare and said, “Probably. And I will tell you what: you can do all the fighting.”

Purtick lowered his gaze, stared out across the grassy plains. I could almost see the gears turning in his mind, and it gave me a flutter of hope. And then, something in his expression changed oh so subtly. His eyes flickered as he looked back to me. 

“I’m in.”

Just an idea. I hope that makes sense with what I was saying. Of course, no one knows your character better than you. 😉 I think what was throwing your gremlin friends was the sudden inconsistency of Purtick’s character. Totally fixable!