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@beth20

I really like it!

I couldn’t have said it any better.

One note from me – I love that you didn’t introduced the man in the car as a character. It’s a good idea to not introduce to many characters at once, especially minor ones.

Now, to the critique 🙂

In his article ”A Writer’s Guide to Point of View”, Jerry Jenkins states that you should…

Limit yourself to one Perspective Character per scene, preferably per chapter, ideally per book.

In the first scene you jumped from Karen to Jered, which isn’t a very good idea…

I had also a few problems with the punctuation.

Before new quotation marks, place dot. For example, this:

Both girls looked at him questioningly, “And how do you plan on doing that?” Ana asked.

Jered shrugged, “I don’t exactly know, I’m only guessing.”

Should’ve been:

Both girls looked at him questioningly. “And how do you plan on doing that?” Ana asked.

Jered shrugged. “I don’t exactly know, I’m only guessing.”

I replaced the comma before the quotation marks with dots. It looks more elegant (at least, I think so. And maybe in English writing different way to punctuate is common, so compare my advise to how real English authors punctuate).

You’ve really improved since the last chapter, and I really like the story. Keep writing. I’ll pray for you.