Activity

I stand still, half-hidden in the shadows. I see them gathered around a great table, laughing and talking…like one big happy family sharing secrets and speaking of things I do not understand. I am an outsider. A spectator when what I desire most is to be a participant.

Their conversation has slowed…but still they do not notice me. I pull Ferdinand closer to me and I feel the way his small body quakes. Yes, even hedgehogs can be afraid.

The seconds tick by and my fear grows. I swallow, but the the lump in my throat remains. Questions race through my mind. “Do I belong here? Is this the place? Who is that wise looking man standing by the fire, so grave and quiet? Who are the others? Where have they come from? Will they accept me?” I watch them, sophisticated people, scribes whose wisdom and intelligence reach far beyond my small scope of knowledge, and I long to join them, to take a seat at their table. But I am not like them. I am different. Little, weird me, with all my silly questions and fears. I am odd, strange. And I am not wise. What I know and understand must be like a water droplet in their sea of knowledge. I blink back tears.

Will I ever belong anywhere? Ferdinand looks up at me, his small black eyes mirroring my fear and confusion.

Then, suddenly, I sense someone looking at me. I raise my head and our eyes meet. And I know.

I know that I have looked into the face of a friend.

I smile, shyly. The girl raises her hand, beckons to me. “Come,” she says, her voice welcoming, friendly. The others look up, some of them smile, a few of them nod. They stare at me, but I sense that their stares are not unkind, just curious.

“Come,” the girl repeats, “because there’s a chair for you.”

My heart stops for a single moment as I hear her words. “There is a chair for you.” A chair for me. I am invited. I am welcome.

Something stirs within me and I step forward, out of the shadows. Pushing my fear aside I approach the table.  So many faces, strange and unfamiliar, but kind. I take the chair offered to me, and as I sit down I notice my name carved into the table, Eden.

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. Yes, yes…it’s true…I’m here…this is it…I belong.

I look up as the girl speaks again. “…And, as Rachel here was saying, why don’t you go ahead and tell us your story?”

Her words momentarily freeze me and I stare at her. “My story? Uhh…um…yeah…okay…uh.” I force out a laugh, try to cover up the awkward silence. I look out across the table, so many faces, grave and silent. And their eyes, are all so…so deep and wise. I feel small and silly.

“Well…uh, it’s nice to meet you all…” I cough, my brain desperately searching for the right words. Proper, intelligent sounding words that would impress them…make me look good, not like the idiot I am. “So…yeah…my name is Eden…and…uh…I’m so happy…to be here. And this…this is Ferdinand.” I hold him up, but he whines, turns his head away and tries to snuggle up against my chest. He’s shy. “I hope it’s okay that I brought him. I promise he won’t poop on anything.” Way to sound intelligent. I duck my head, my cheeks burn. How foolish I must seem to them.

No one says anything.

I blunder on. “Well, as for my story…uh…there’s not much to tell.” I laugh faintly, an attempt to be lighthearted, care-free. I fail. Miserably. “I’ll loved stories ever since I was little. And…uh…I’ve been making them up for as long as I can remember. I’ve been writing for…several years now.” I pause and I wonder if I should continue…if I should tell them more. I am scared. What will they think of me?

“For the past two years…um…I haven’t been writing much…though. Because…because…I’ve had problems. Fear issues…panic attacks. I laid around for a whole summer…because my fear had crippled me…I…I…” I stammer…then stop. I close my eyes, and I feel hot tears pricking beneath my  eye lids.

I said it…I told them. Probably ruined my whole chance of ever being one of them, of ever being accepted.

I wish they would say something. I wish someone would break this awful silence.

 

(Hey people, sorry that this was so long. I got a little carried away…but this is SO much fun! And you guys have created a beautiful picture, hope I kept the flow of it.  @literatureforthelight, Nope! I’m a girl. Completely and entirely and proud to be so. 😀😀 But I should have clarified that long ago, anybody could have made that mistake…so no worries. 😀)

@literatureforthelight  (thanks for tagging me)  @kate  @r-m-archer  @r-j-karas  @gabbyj   @msqueen8  @elizabeth      (I’m just tagging some of the people I saw on this thread)