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  • Christianna Hellwig replied to the topic Writing Prompt War: June 2019 in the forum Announcements 6 years, 10 months ago

    @jenwriter17   I read your excerpt, and it’s a great draft, but I think we need to make a few big changes if we want to win. Like @myclipboardismyviolin  implied, we’re left a little lost as to what exactly is the ordinary thing of emphasis. There should be no doubt in the reader’s mind, that this normally mundane thing such as a sunrise is the centrifugal force of our story. We need to spend less time on the prisoners and more time on the light. Either the light, or the lack of it, need to be stressed more, so that when that sun tops the horizon  and warms the weary prisoners. The reader falls to his knees in joy and wonder along with the rest of them.

    I left a long comment pretty much to that extent on the document. Let me know what you think. 🙂 To be perfectly honest, I think it could use a rewrite…

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