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@Eitan

Hey Eitan! I ‘rewrote’ my first chapter. Hoping it’s a little better than before! Tell me what you think about it.

 

Chapter One: Disappearing Act

It was late summer and the leaves swished contentedly in the soft breeze. Jered Martin stood outside his house listening to a frog croak in the nearby lake. His family had recently moved to Colorado on account of his father dying. His Mom said it would be better to raise her family in Colorado rather than California (but Jered personally thought it was to get away from all the memories). Looking at the house, Jered sighed,

It would have been a majestic house in the 1800s. 

But now it was pretty much a termite nest. To be honest, it was a sad sight, windows were broken, the third story stairs were missing and the basement was flooded.

Jered smiled, at least we have a big property.

He couldn’t wait to explore their 10 acres in the country. They had lived there almost a week now, but everyone had been busy unpacking so he hadn’t had much time to himself. His mom was currently in town applying for a job.

He looked at his watch. I hope she’ll be home soon. I’m starving!  

Just then, his 11-year-old brother, Tim, came crashing out of the house, slamming the door as he went.

“That sister of ours sure is something!” he remarked.

Jered smiled to himself, “something” hardly did her justice. Spunky, carefree, argumentative, sassy. The list could go on and on, was more like their 8-year-old sister Ana.

“What did she do this time?” Jered asked.

Tim snorted, “What does she do any time?!”

Jered laughed.

“She took all my hot wheels out of my bedroom and hid them under her bed,” Tim exclaimed.

“That was because he made fun of my princess shirt,” came an indignant voice behind them.

Jered turned around and regarded his younger sister with growing amusement.

“I see,” he remarked, “You should give them back Ana.”

“Alright,” she mumbled reluctantly, and walked inside. Tim followed on her heels.

As the two walked in, Keren, Jered’s older sister, walked out.

“What was all that about?” she asked.

“Nothing important, just a little quarrel,” he answered.

Keren sat down on the steps next to him letting out a sigh as she did so.

“Ah, it feels so good to finally sit down!” she whispered.

Jered felt bad for his 16-year-old sister. After their dad died their mom kind of became the man of the family (for Jered was only 14.) So that made Keren into kind of their mother figure. Which meant she was stuck making dinner and really keeping the house together. Of course, Jered helped whenever he could, but being a boy and all he really didn’t understand how to be a mother figure! Jered heard the rumble of an approaching car engine and looked up to see their mom pulling into the driveway.

“Thank goodness,” he said, rising to his feet.

 

Jered pushed his chair back from the dinner table. They had just finished a delicious dinner of tamale pie.

“How did your job interview go?” Jered asked his mom.

“Good I think,” she answered, “The man was very pleased that I’ve done this type of work before.”

“So you think you’ll get the job?” Ana inquired.

“Very possibly yes.”

Tim let out a whoop and Keren laughed delightedly while Ana clapped her hands joyfully.

Their mom had applied for several jobs but none of them would take her.

Hopefully, she’s right. 

Jered looked around at the happy faces of his family.

It doesn’t matter what the house is like, this is what matters.   

 

Jered walked upstairs heading for his room. The dishes had been done and now he was ready for his bed. He didn’t even bother to change his clothing. Yawning, he contentedly dropped onto the soft blankets and fell asleep…

 

Two men stood on top of a tower looking down on the landscape below. “Sire?” one man inquired apprehensively. He knew his leader was in a bad mood but needed to have this conversation. 

 “What is it Ethan?” answered the other man. He was a tall man dressed in a robe of black. His shoulder-length hair streaming out behind him in the wind. 

The shorter man cleared his throat nervously,

 “We have to move the troops out sire.”  

He paused waiting for an outburst but was emboldened when none came.

 “The ninjas will only get stronger if we wait any longer.  They are already gathering their forces. All your wizards are lounging about and not paying attention to the need at hand!” he finished determinedly. 

Aclabar (for that is the name of the man he is talking to) whirled around to face him. Grabbing his throat he growled menacingly,

“Don’t you ever disrespect my wizards ever again, they will gather and attack when I am ready.” 

He smiled, “Do you understand?”

“Yes sire” Ethan choked out. 

The grip on Ethan’s throat loosened and he fell to the floor gasping for breath.  Aclabar turned away, 

“I can have another man replace you as general, if that is your wish?” 

Ethen’s body stiffened, 

“No sir.” 

Aclabar smiled “Good.”      

 

Jered sat up in bed, sweat glistening on his temple. He glanced at his clock,

2:01 am

He groaned, his head hurt.

Images of his dream flashed into his mind. But he remembered little.

 

The next morning, Jered was sharply awakened by shouts of laughter drifting up the stairwell. Then Ana suddenly appeared heading for his bed. He sat up quickly.

“Okay okay I’m up,” he said.

Ana gave a squeal of laughter and pounced on him anyway.                                “It’s already 9:30, mom said I had to wait to wake you up till at least 9:30. I’ve been awake for hours! We’re all waiting for you.”

“Get out and let me get dressed” he grumbled.

Five minutes later, Jered walked downstairs, Ana came up to him and grabbed his hand pulling him towards the door. He looked questioningly at Keren, “What is this all about?”

She smiled, “We’re going to explore today.”

That woke him up a little bit,

“Oh cool, let’s go down to the lake,” he suggested.

His mom hurried in handing each of them packets of food

“For lunch,” she explained smiling.

“Thanks mom,” he said, taking his packet.

“We’ll be home before dark!” Keren called as they tumbled outside.

 

Jered glanced behind him making sure Ana wasn’t lagging behind. Tim was running ahead,

“Hurry up, we’re almost there!” he called over his shoulder.

Jered slowed down and grabbed Ana’s hand,

“Come on, you can do it,” he encouraged.

Rounding the last corner, Jered realized the “lake” was only a small muddy pond. Tim stopped,

“Oh,” he said disappointed and sat down on the grass.

“That pond is so muddy we can’t even swim in it!” Keren said dismayed.

They were all hot and had hoped for a refreshing swim.

“I don’t know,” Jered said, “but maybe it’s still swimmable”.

Tim brightened up a little,

“Yeah who said it wasn’t swimmable?”

He said laughingly and started for the pond. Jered headed down the hillside after him,

“Wait up I want to see how deep it is first!”

he called. But Tim was already waist-high in the muddy water.

Suddenly Tim shouted out and disappeared into its murky depths!