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@Eitan

First off thank you for responding and for you critique! What you said wasn’t offensive, that’s why I posted it on here! 🙂

First of all – break paragraphs. In a dialogue, every sentence should have it’s                  own line.

I have noticed that, and have tried to keep that in mind in my later chapters.  🙂

Second – use punctuation marks. Again, I don’t know how it supposed to be in             English, but as far as I know, you need to use them way more.

I agree, Claire did mention that also. And again, I think I’ve gotten a little better with that. I haven’t gone back and edited my first chapter in awhile. 🙂

(note: If you already use italic type, the reader will understand that it’s the hero’s thoughts. You don’t need to explain it)   

That is very good advise! I need to think about that while I write, so I stop doing that! Thank you! 🙂

If Jered don’t remember the dream, don’t show it to the readers. The readers                 should know only what the POV knows. You can tell us the little Jered do                      remembers.

I agree to that, to some extent. Though I can’t really explain why I don’t agree to that all the way. I’ll have to think on that one.

Fourth – the scene with Aclabar and Ethan seems… unrealistic. Only                             Aclabar’s closest generals should have the courage to advice him without                       him asking – especially if he’s known for his brutality. Simple soldiers don’t                   even supposed to speak in his presence without him referring to them first.                   Maybe Ethan is very brave, or dumb, but even then – Aclabar will probably                  execute him just for the audacity of speaking to the high General without his                refer.

Again good advise! Though Ethan is kinda supposed to be his “right hand man” if you get my meaning. Bc later in the book, Aclabar calls Ethan to him again and they discuss important matters.

 

Fifth, and most importantly – did you prayed about writing your novel? Are you          sure that it’s God’s will for you? Maybe you’re sure that God wants you to write            your novel now, but I can’t advise any better – seek his answer. I was in your             place just a few weeks ago, and was sure God wants me to write my novel now –         and I then I understood that my novel premise was terrible, and struggled for            days with lack of inspiration. Many difficulties, time-spending and tears would’ve        been avoided if right from the beginning I would asked God if he really want me          to write my novel right now – with my current experience with life, with writing       and with him. Please, pray over it. It is very likely that God wants you to wait,               grow and practice before you start writing your novel. When the time will come,           you will know, and God will help you in your mission.

Okay, I know what your saying here, but not sure it’s necessary. I don’t think I have to ask God what he thinks about every little think I do. You know? 🙂

I recommend you to take the Writing Craft Quiz of SE. It will give you a lot of               helpful resources, and help you in understanding your level as a writer. I                       recommend you also to read a lot about writing, and to subscribe to the                         newsletter of SE and of Jerry Jenkins – they both helped me a lot.

Okay! How do you subscribe to Jerry Jenkins and SE? lol

Take time to practice, and don’t jump straight to the deep water. I’ll pray for                   you 🙂 Eitan.

Thank you! This was helpful!

-Beth