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Hello, everyone! This is the Writing Gremlin (the reason I am on Banana Peacock Warrior’s account is explained in my introduction post in the ‘Introduce Yourself’ forum. ;))

The other gremlins have recently been making fun of me for a scene in one of my stories (here’s some background- it’s based off the true story of a friend of mine who traveled from the underworld of the gremlins to the upperworld of the humans). My friends are saying that one of the characters is completely unrealistic and that they don’t like him because he is grumpy. But he is supposed to be grumpy. Here is an excerpt from the scene:

  “There! See him up on the hill?” Kaleb turned to me, jittery. “It is Purtick; come on, let’s go another way.”
  I turned to look up the grassy slope and saw the guy, sitting with his arms crossed and staring at the path ahead of us as if just waiting to pounce on whoever came that way. “What is he doing?”
  “Guarding the way,” Kaleb said, pulling me off the path and into the bushes. “He does not do it based off of any obligation- he just cannot stand anyone getting past. We must go another way.”
  “We cannot get past him?”
  “No- no one has.”
  I stared at Purtick, sitting like a rock, then my mind flashed back to the wizard’s warning: “The way will be long and hard; you must remain strong to brave it.”
  “Kaleb,” I said, “let’s ask Purtick to come along.”
  Kaleb stared at me as if I were crazy. “What? None have ever talked to Purtick; only been sent running with a bloody lip!”
  I stood from the bushes nonetheless. “Come on; he is only a gremlin like us. If we are going to make it past the dragons ahead and make it to the upperworld, we need someone like him.”
  Kaleb, after a shake of the head and a sigh, rose and followed my steps as I started to make my way to the path… then up the hill. Purtick gave us a scowl, but didn’t move, as if waiting for me to get close enough.
  “Purtick, I presume?” I asked, extending my spindly fingers in the typical greeting. He gave a grunt and did not acknowledge the gesture. I took a deep breath and continued. “My friend and I must get past this hill on our way to the upperworld. Will you let us pass?”
  “No.”
  “Well, that’s it. Let’s go!” Kaleb said, but when I didn’t follow he stopped.
  “Why not?” I asked the stony fellow.
  “No reason.”
  “None at all?”
  “No.”
  “Well… how would you like to come on our adventure with us?”
  His eyes twinkled. “Will we fight dragons?”
  “N-” I stopped Kaleb with a stare and said, “Probably. And I will tell you what: you can do all the fighting.”
  “I’m in.”
  And that is how our company acquired Purtick.

My gremlin friends have said they hated it, especially the last part, but it can be fixed, can it not? However, I am not sure what needs fixing. I am sure I COULD ask BPW, but then she would find out I was using her computer. Perhaps you friends can help me?

@urwen-starial, @esmeralda-gramilton, @mayacat, @emberynus-the-dragonslayer, @abigail-rebekah, @evelyn