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@elizabeth

I’m kind of curious to the main character’s name.  Is it revealed soon after?  (That could just be me, I like to know the narrator’s name pretty soon off. :))

“Hey!” I shove him away. “My sister is in that class, dummy.”

He gulps. “Ah. Right.”

I was thinking they were joking around, but then the response is much more scared than I would’ve thought.

Is the school not really a traditional school?  I get that people want to be free from school, but it sounds like they’re escaping something much worse.

Also, I really like having a blind character.  I don’t see many blind people in fiction, so that’s cool.

@princess-foo

Cute beginning line. 😉

In my experience, most people assume that I’m a year round student or there’s some holiday.  Not many people have accused me of skipping, so the cashier comes off to me as mean.  I’d change it to “No school today?” or something along those lines.

“I shifted the stack of books in my arms and regretted bringing the whole series”  Maybe change it to “…arms, already regretting…”

“but I forgot that Rose had asked to meet at this Dairy Queen instead of at the library like we normally do.”  I’m not really sure why this makes a difference.

Home schooled characters are great. 😀

 

Here is my beginning:

Black Moon Academy – Academy for the Villainously Inclined.  I dropped my case to the ground, and looked up at the words on the wrought iron fence.  There wasn’t any other way but forwards.  My mother had sent me away early in the morning, into the windowless carriage and to the school I had been destined to attend for my entire life.  From the moment I had stepped into the carriage, there was no turning back.  I picked up the case, and entered the gate.

The castle’s shadow loomed over me, yet the sun shone brightly on the grey stone.  There were equal parts grace and defense in the architecture.  For all of its tall, spiraling beauty, it was still a place that few would dare to attack.  Not that there were many attackers.  I wasn’t even sure where I was myself.  The location of the school was a closely kept secret, and only graduates of the Academy knew its whereabouts. For extra security, my mother told me that it was guarded with an invisibility cloak covering the entire school.  It was a reasonable precaution.  Villains have very few friends.