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@erynne, it sounds like you have the bones of a fascinating story here–however, if your heroine dies before she gets married, I wonder why there’s a strong romance element in the plot at all. It sounds like the main story is really more of a family drama-type story, where the heroine has to come to terms with what she (accidentally) did to her newborn nephew and become reconciled to her sister and brother-in-law.

If you feel uncomfortable writing scenes of people expressing romantic love for each other, whether verbally or physically, I wonder if you might not be able to dial back the budding relationship to the point where it’s still really just a friendship that’s only beginning to move into romance territory–and then she dies.