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Rose replied to the topic Character Castle 2.0 in the forum Fantasy Writers 5 years, 4 months ago
Ah yes, they be people what call ‘em “Grammar Nazis” and it be so fun to talk grammatically incorrectly!
LOL That sentence made my skin crawl XD I must be a Grammar Nazi too XD
Oh, how do you insult someone in Dutch?
Hmm, mostly some combination of “dom” (dumb) “stom” (stupid) “idioot” (idiot). It’s pretty hard to give a comprehensive guide since there are endless combinations. You can always go the creative way and invent something like “zo dom als het achtereind van een varken” (As stupid as a pig’s rear). That’s a pretty serious insult though XD Glad I could help in your linguistic endeavors!
LOL! Don’t you just love it when your characters surprise you? Like I read in an article on here, we should actually call our characters “people” because characters are people
IKR!? Every time I mention to my family that a character ‘surprised me’ or I ‘found out something new’ or they ‘won’t cooperate’, I get comments like “But.. You thought them up? You created them, you have complete control.” No. Nonono. That’s not how it works XD
I have a slight fear of the dark just because I can’t help but imagine cat-burglars and assassins creeping down the hall. I have grown out of monsters, but terrorists are very real, lol
I totally understand that! I get that too XD
Ooh, your characters sound awesome! I vote Dancrow! He sounds so cool! If you’re planning to bring in two, my second vote is Weslow. (No offense to Candy 😉 If you bring in Dancrow, it’ll be awesome to see him interact with Gavril, since they’re both natural leaders. That means there’ll either be enormous conflict, or they’ll work together. I have no idea which XD
Okay, all votes so far
including minehave been for Gavril, so I’m bringing him in! (Warning: He’s really underdeveloped right now, and I have written only one chapter from his POV. I’m having some trouble with his flaws and fears too. XD) Here’s a profile:Name and title: His Royal Highness, crown prince Gavril, son of Shemaiah.
Age: 21
Appearance: about 6’2″-6’3″-ish. Pretty muscular, but not exceptionally. Tanned, dark olive skin like Liorah. Short, dark brown hair, not as red as Liorah’s. Gray eyes and strong features generally. Handsome. (Even if Liorah doesn’t say so) There’s some resemblance between him and Liorah. Not striking, but you can definitely see they’re siblings.
Clothing: Beige linen pants and shirt. Dark red outer cloak with a blue stripe near the hem with a narrow gold stripe in the middle (Like Liorah’s forehead jewelry, it shows rank, tribe, and relationship status. This is also why the tribeless, people who have been rejected from their tribe, wear cloaks with a torn hem. Ripping off the stripe is a symbol of being cast out of your tribe.) Leather belt with a dagger, scimitar, sling, and sling bullets. Dark brown riding boots.
Best trait: Charismatic and a natural leader.
Worst trait: Ummm… I’m not sure? Maybe being too selfless. (He’s pretty underdeveloped right now XD)
MBTI type: ENFJ-a
Other traits: (Mostly for Riure XD) He has an accent like Liorah’s, but his voice is much deeper, of course. He has a tendency to stride, and his riding boots make quite a lot of noise, so she’d be able to recognize him by that.
Okay, how am I going to get him into a cave, or a passage of any sort?? He hates small, dark spaces, so this is going to be hard.
Gavril
I stared into the darkness, every alarm going off in my head. I was not going in there. The cave was dark, damp, and barely big enough for me to squeeze inside. My mare, Kinneret, nickered and nudged me.
“Yes, I know,” I said, absently stroking her neck.
Maewyn, Liorah’s mare, wasn’t as gentle. She stomped her hoof, scraping it through the mud on the cave floor. Even though it was the middle of the hot-season and everything was as dry as it could possibly be, droplets of water splashed onto the floor. A thin layer of mud had formed in the passage, clearly showing the boot-prints that couldn’t belong to anyone other than Liorah. Of course, it was. She was the only person I knew who would think it was a reasonable idea to wander into a narrow passage without thinking about it for more than a few seconds.
I raked my hand through my hair, thinking about what to do.
“Li’ah?” The word echoed off the walls, reverberating through the cave. No reply.
I tentatively stepped into the passage, ducking to avoid bumping my head.
“Li’ah? Come on, where are you?”
No answer.
“This isn’t funny!” My voice rose, worry gnawing at me. Why wouldn’t she come? It wouldn’t be the first time she made me look for her in the oddest places. Perhaps she was hurt, or trapped, or lost. My mind spun into an endless amount of possibilities, each worse than the last.
The final push came from Maewyn. Literally. She rammed her head into my back, shoving me into the passage.
“Alright, I get the message,” I muttered. That mare was as stubborn as my sister.
I took a deep breath and inched into the darkness. Immediately, I was acutely aware of the complete and utter lack of room. I couldn’t even stand up straight.
“Li’ah? Come here right now.” I took slight comfort in the sound of my voice. It was the only thing filling the darkness.
Heart pounding, I ventured a few steps further, keeping one hand on the slimy wall.
Time for the last hope.
“I’m counting to three!” Usually, this would be followed by an immediate, indignant, ‘You’re not my mother! Stop bossing me around!’ It was the most dependable method to lure her out of wherever she was. This time, there was nothing.
I spun around, now thoroughly convinced that something was seriously wrong. My throat closed, just as the wall had behind me. There was no way out. I was trapped. I was going to die. This had been a terrible idea. There was no way out. (Okay, this is pretty unoriginal, but as long as it gets him to the others, right?)
I forced myself to take a breath, trying to slow my racing heart. It was dark as a tomb. An unfortunate expression.
I turned around again, now completely disoriented. Which way had I come from? Was there a way out?
I tried to slow my thoughts. The air was coming in somehow since an icy draft was whirling through the passage. All I had to do was follow it. There had to be some exit.
I dug my nails into my palms, trying not to panic. Slowly, I started in the direction of the airflow. The walls seemed to be closing in, pressing in from all sides. Shadows flickered just out of sight, invisible creatures, stalking and mocking me. I closed my eyes. There was nothing. I was alone. That was even worse. Step by step, the draft became stronger. The ceiling rose until I could stand again. That was some relief.
Faint flares of light danced in the corners of my vision, only to disappear when I looked at them. The draft was the only thing that kept me going. At least there was air here, I wouldn’t suffocate. Until another of the walls moved and cut off the air, of course.
A different light shone, somewhere ahead of me. I frowned. It was pink. The thought of dying near a bright pink light almost made me laugh, though it was more out of nervousness than that the thought was genuinely amusing.
Without any warning, the ceiling dropped again. I was so focused on the faint pink light that I didn’t notice and bumped my head against the stone. Hard. I resisted the urge to swear, only mumbling something along the lines of ‘ouch’. Liorah would have cussed, whether there was someone to hear her or not.
Finally, I reached the end of the tunnel. I froze, utterly astonished at what I found. There was another cave, and it was filled with people. There were about a dozen, most of them sitting or lying down. I couldn’t see much in the faint pink light, but they were definitely real people. What were they doing here?
“What in the–?” I said, not expecting an answer.
Liorah
“I was nine,” Riure whispered, breaking the tense silence. “I was nine when my father left.” Her voice broke.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what else to say. I awkwardly lay a hand on her arm.
“Do you have any other family? I have a mother and my uncle, but they’re always so busy,” I said, my voice trailing off. I snapped back into the present. “And I have an older brother, Gavril.” I smiled.
A loud, distinct bump came from the back of the cave. I frowned, and a memory flitted back. Gav always bumped his head, against everything. He was even taller than I was, and he was usually too preoccupied to pay attention.
I peered toward the sound and automatically reached for my dagger. In the faint light from Ehud’s pink pony, I could barely see a figure. My stomach twisted. I could have sworn it was Gavril.
“What in the–?” The figure said, every tone of astonishment in his voice. The deep voice with the clipped accent was so familiar and my heart jumped into my throat. It was him! I pushed myself to my feet, ignoring the pain from my leg. I stumbled toward him, not caring about how much noise I made. For all I cared, everyone could wake up.
“You idiot!” I said, falling against him gracelessly.
“You look even worse than usual,” Gavril said, hugging me tightly.
I took in a shuddering breath. Gav was here. He would get us home again, and everything would be alright.
_________
There we go! This will be interesting! Sorry, this was so long!












