Activity

Hello, everyone!

I have a sentence in a short story I need to revise. Are the semicolons/hyphens/commas correct for this type of sentence?

“Natalie met all of my cousins: Fredrick- an intelligent, laid-back college student; Ellen- a quiet but likable bookworm; and Chris- an active, blond-headed 15-year year old who was tossing a football in the yard.

From a story-telling piont of view, are the side character intros too rushed, considering only Chris is important here? I would especially love to hear @mariposa, @josiah, and @scribbles!