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@zee

I love your story past and plan! With that description, I would buy it.

I saw a few minor typos, but that (from my point of view) was all that was wrong per se.

I liked how you described the atmosphere of the old man’s home. And then this:

a dark sadness without an end in sight.

That stuck with me.

 

….When he saw them, he stopped short with a cry of surprise.

I (personally) think it needs more tension here. Maybe describe the air? Maybe it left the room a moment when Erkan entered? Or, maybe his eyes, though full of fear, cracked like a whip on Radoslav’s back? Words to make the heart quicken a bit more.

“He’s Tur, isn’t he?” Andrews asked uncertainly.

Great job describing the people by the way!

For something a bit funny, when Dunya came up and was speaking at first… I thought it was a child she was looking for. And then Erkan’s callousness, wanting to leave his child behind? It seemed out of place, especially since he was holding the baby. But that’s what I thought.

Then it was a cat? Boy.

So…. if you did that on purpose (or on accident), well done. (: