-
luciusbraun replied to the topic The Four Rebels chapter 3 in the forum Fantasy Writers 5 years, 11 months ago
I really like your story so far! Keep up the good work!
I think your writing style is great, and your dialogue is good too! However there’s one little thing I want to point out.
Your transitions from scene to scene, are a bit rushed.
“Remember what we have told you needs to be kept a secret. Even if you think or know someone else is part of the rebellion. These things are only discussed in private by the leaders of the family or leaders of the rebellion.” We both nodded, then got up for dinner. I lay in bed that night thinking about Ranwick and his city. I didn’t know much about either of them, but I wanted to know more.Ir just feels a tad rushed when they go to eat dinner, then suddenly, Rydel is contemplating thoughts in his head. Maybe something like, “After dinner, I lay in bed…”
Hope this helps! Also, I hope I don’t sound judgmental or anything! Sometimes I come across like that, and I don’t intend to at all. 🙂
I can’t wait to read more, and thanks for tagging me by the way!
Article Categories
