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@phoenix Those are some really hard questions to grapple with. I would really encourage you to talk about it with someone that you trust. Your pastor, youth pastor, or parents.

There are two truths that come to me when I think of your question.

First, God is good.

Psalm 107:1 says, “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

Psalm 145:9 says, “The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.”

Exodus 33:19 says, “And the LORD said, ‘I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.'”

Second, God is good regardless of how I feel about it. He is real regardless of how I feel about it. I could think that God is supremely unfair and it wouldn’t change the fact that He is real, full of justice, and in complete control over all creation. My feelings have no basis on facts.

It is not wrong of you to be grappling with these questions, but I really think that you need to talk it over with someone you can trust.