Activity

I’m gonna start a critique thread for my work. I don’t know that it’s gonna be super active ’cause I tend to not share my work very often (except with my best friend), but I have a scene I tried to write earlier today that just didn’t come out right and I want help fixing it. In my head this scene was full of emotion and tension, but I put it on the page and it ended up flat. I feel like it’s missing description, but I don’t know where. So if anyone would be willing to totally pick it apart at a minute level and help me get the emotion and tension right (ideally in a way that teaches me how to do it so I can practice, but I get it if you’re not able to do that), I’d really appreciate it.

You can find the scene here (it’s only about a page and a third): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Xa2Hjn0nfZ1_R9OtinbxC_hZJc-xDiB3gRfFVSx1TV8/edit

@ethryndal @kate @daeus-lamb @anyone else who wants to help