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@anne-of-lothlorien

Okay… So the way it seems to be going, it sounds more like a major plot point than a minor one. If you’re gonna make it a minor plot point, I think you would need to make is far far more implicit then it sounds to me as a reader. In fact maybe don’t imply it… that way when you get to the end the reader may not have been expecting it per say, but when you make the reveal, it’s almost as if they didn’t quite catch on (until this point), but it was all kind of there. (like what @daeus-lamb is saying)

Now I shall answer your last question… Honestly I probably do have all of these things collected in my mind through experience, though  probably not in the same kind of experience you are thinking.

First I will say that I have two older siblings who went are now married, and went through and engagement/courtship process. This is probably not where I got most of my ideas though, because they each married the first person they courted.

Second, our family has never done recreational dating. One of rules dad says is that we don’t get to talk about getting married, until we are capable of supporting a wife. And on top of that my parents have pointed out things that are unhealthy in relationships as well as things that are healthy.

Third, Our family went through a chaotic time of life, where we were stuck in a cultic community (who called themselves a church), and in that time frame I went through a crash-course on  relationships (in general, not romantic). I was able to see what was un-healthy in a relationship, what was healthy, what healed, what damaged.

And from that time forward, I’ve been taught and shown how much responsibility I have as a male. My parents have done a lot to teach what it means to be a gentleman. They point out where the gentleman is well portrayed in movies/literature, and where he is not. So much of the way I’m being raised is about how not to have healthy relationships (in general) with anyone we come into contact with.  And where we get those ideas is from The Bible.

On top of all that, I have been teaching martial arts for the past year and a half, and in that I have learned so much as far as leadership and healthy communication.

So no… I have not had experience in romantic type relationships, but I have seen examples of both good and bad, I’ve been taught to look out for dangerous and unhealthy relationships, and people like my pastor and parents help in keeping my eyes open as far as what is healthy vs unhealthy.

So if someone is not relationally healthy outside of romantic relationships, they won’t be healthy within. Those kinds of relationships don’t fix personal problems, they only compound them. When you live with someone as opposed to see them once in a while, or even weekly, you begin to see more of the sin nature in them. Now, in the marriage relationship, if the people are healthy, they will grow, and work together to better. So I guess one of the key factors in all of this is that we understand that this kind of relationship does not fix us… But if we work together with our spouse, in a healthy way, there will be growth.

So overall, this is something that has been instilled in my throughout my growing up years. Which has been a great blessing, and I thank God for. It has been hard at times (like being in the cultic community), but we learn so much in time like that.

Now, that’s not to say that I’m an expert, at all. But I can still have a knowledgeable conversation on this topic, without being left in the dust. And I thank both God and my parents for that.