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@kate

Totally stealing this idea from @julianne, but I think it needs to be said more than once:

Thank you so much for putting in the time to do this, and for volunteering to write the first draft. What you’ve written so far is Amazing. With a capital A.

I think you can make it Incredible before the Deadline. With a capital I.
And a capital D, too… just for good measure.

I thought of a few more comments.

4) I don’t quite understand Em’s emotional state when she says ““But nothing!” Em snapped. “You have nothing to lose!”“. Is she angry? It seems like she’s angry. But I can’t figure out why.

5) And Julian’s reply: ““I have dirt!” Julian squeaked“. Is he saying he has dirt to lose? Or is he just protesting that he’s dirty? (also maybe too many exclamation points in close proximity?)

6) The story doesn’t seem to start until Em shows up. How much would we lose if we cut everything before then? How much of that could we get away with cutting?

I’m sorry I didn’t answer your questions you asked earlier. I’ll read through it again and give you some answers tomorrow. It’s getting too late for me to do it tonight.

I hope I’m not going too hard on you. Just let me know, and I’ll back off. I know criticism can be hard to take. So thanks again for being so willing to do this.

Do you want any of us to take a shot at editing it? I would be willing to go through it once or twice if you want me to. I would also understand if you don’t want to trust it to me. I probably wouldn’t trust it to me either, after some of the comments I made. XD