Activity

@j-a-penrose Oh no! Poor Ashley! Is that the scene before the snippet you posted for lesson 2?

Here’s mine, from my WIP…

“Where are they?” Iyara murmered, her grey eyes sweeping across the scorched expanse. A gust tore off the sea, tearing at her eyes and flinging her hair in her face. Her skirt conformed to her leg and flattened against Sapphire’s body. Struggling to keep his balance on the craggy clifftop, the unicorn leaned into the wind, his mane flowing like a waterfall from his graceful neck. As he adjusted his footing, his hooves knocked loose a jagged rock and it tumbled over the edge, dropping a hundred feet to the sand below.

That’s what I feel like, Iyara thought, swallowing hard and clenching a clump of Sapphire’s mane tighter in her fist. So unstable…so vulnerable. I can’t let anyone knock me loose. I can’t let them destroy Dahop.

She tore her gaze away from the frothy sea and rested it once more on the burnt, lifeless land. Her heart ached, torn between the desire to flee to the Striplands or stay and fight for her home. But it’s not just my home. She pinched her eyes shut and a few tears sneaked out of the corners. It’s the last bit of hope we have, and I won’t let them destroy it.

Then a cold, cruel voice pierced her mind, hissing, But they already have.

“No!” The wind snatched the word from Iyara’s mouth and flung it in her face. An icy fire burned her heart. She stiffened, squinting with flashing eyes at the southern horizon. No! We’ll save them. We have to!

Wings flapped by her left ear and a kumquari dragon alighted on Sapphire’s neck, his eyes flicking more rapidly than usual between the unicorn and the girl. Sitting back on his haunches, he braced his tail for balance, put a front claw above his eyes, and gazed out over the remains of the Dahop territory. Then he forced a loud sigh, fixing his teary gold eyes on her own.

“Hello, Elim.” Iyara held out a hand for the dragon to sit on, drawing a shaky breath as her throat tightened. Lotro wouldn’t have parted with his dearest servant unless he had a very good reason to. She almost choked as she stammered, “Where’s Lotro? And the other wolves? Are they coming behind you? Are they alright?”

Elim hung his head and let his wings droop, crossing his wrists behind his back. He marched in place and then fell over in her hand. Tracing a claw across her palm, he drew an invisible ring of snakes.

Iyara shuddered. “They’ve…they’ve…been captured? By…” she paused, her lips quivering, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “By Loklab?”

The dragon only stared at the sea, his smooth orange and green scales glistening in the foggy morning.

Iyara let go of Sapphire’s mane with sweaty, trembling hands. “Then I’ll have to stop Yeath alone.”

Her heart pounded like an avalanche.

Aaand, the one without emotion… (so cringey!)

“Where are they?” Iyara murmered, her grey eyes sweeping across the scorched expanse. A gust tore off the sea, tearing at her eyes and flinging her hair in her face. Her skirt conformed to her leg and flattened against Sapphire’s body. Struggling to keep his balance on the craggy clifftop, the unicorn leaned into the wind, his mane flowing like a waterfall from his graceful neck. As he adjusted his footing, his hooves knocked loose a jagged rock and it tumbled over the edge, dropping a hundred feet to the sand below.

Wings flapped by her left ear and a kumquari dragon alighted on Sapphire’s neck, his eyes flicking more rapidly than usual between the unicorn and the girl. Sitting back on his haunches, he braced his tail for balance, put a front claw above his eyes, and gazed out over the remains of the Dahop territory. Then he fixed his gold eyes on her own.

“Hello, Elim.” Iyara held out a hand for the dragon to sit on. Lotro wouldn’t have parted with his dearest servant unless he had a very good reason to. She stammered, “Where’s Lotro? And the other wolves? Are they coming behind you? Are they alright?”

Elim hung his head and let his wings droop, crossing his wrists behind his back. He marched in place and then fell over in her hand. Tracing a claw across her palm, he drew an invisible ring of snakes.

“They’ve…they’ve…been captured? By…” she paused, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “By Loklab?”

The dragon only stared at the sea, his smooth orange and green scales glistening in the foggy morning.

 

Iyara let go of Sapphire’s mane. “Then I’ll have to stop Yeath alone.”