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  • Ella replied to the topic Short Story here! in the forum Fantasy Writers 5 years, 4 months ago

    @vivian-grant

    Whoa, that’s SUPER creepy!!!!!! 😃  SUPER COOL, though, thanks for sharing!!!!

    A couple of comments:

    1)  That scene where Wren yelled at the Smilers was a little confusing.  Why would she do that if she knows how dangerous the Smilers are?  I think it would be better for Gladys to freak out instead of Wren, because Wren knows more about everything.

    2)  The tension was great throughout the story, which I loved!!!

    3)  You know what would be really cool is if you used more foreshadowing, ex.  classifying voices of adults (smooth, gentle, lovely) in the beginning of the story, or Wren sees/smells a specific thing when the Smilers come out (red ribbon, perfume).

    I think all short stories should (since they’re so short) pack a punch.  If you develop the characters a little more and strengthen the theme, this will be amazing!!!!!!!!  I loved it (and it inspired me to write a horror/thriller/suspense book now 😂)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Great job,

    Ella

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