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Zachary Holbrook replied to the topic Mr. Mortality & the Heart Collector in the forum Critiques 6 years, 6 months ago

Excellent writing! I enjoyed it. The only recommendation I have at the moment is to go into a bit more detail in the scene where the Heart Collector is chasing the Mortalidog. Intersperse Michael’s reactions with whatever the Mortalidog is doing (leaping across rooftops/dodging chains/darting through alleyways/whatever)