Activity

@obrian-of-the-surface-world

I’M LATE! AGAIN!!
*stares at “Chapter 005”* *spends several minutes looking for 1-4* *is befuddled* *READ SOMETHING OUT OF ORDER????? READ SOMETHING OUT OF ORDER YOU TORTELLINI I’D RATHER STOP TEACHING MYSELF TO DO AN AERIAL CARTWHEEL WITH NO SAFETY PRECAUTIONS OR WORSE STILL ACTUALLY ACT NORMAL FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!!!!*
*read something out of order, humph, I only ever do that for school! Molecules vibrating with indignation*
–seconds later–*has listened to it*
That…wow…
1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?
The fact that it starts in the middle of the story leaves a lot of the action really in the forefront and makes for a very active scene and keeping the details on a “need to know” basis gives it an energetic pace that kept me interested and still gave a good amount of time and description to connect with the scene.
Another thing is when the girl mentions her father left for “some floozy in Florida”, I had expected a rather medieval, other-world setting and seeing this fantasy story with intensive worldbuilding integrated with a modern setting was very intriguing to me. I’d like to see more of the setting conflict/interaction there.
2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?
It was very bittersweet it has the sense of being a “breather” between two actions; the troll’s attack and her leaving. It enables me to feel for the story and be invested in the adventure. The overall mood would be handling pain, thematically it pinpointed where the girl was in her spiritual journey it’s focal point being the emotional depth of the scene that gave me something that makes me personally invested in the story. It lays out questions about pain and healing and courage that raises the stakes for me the reader.
3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?
I would like to learn a little more about the POV character and how his spiritual journey relates to her’s but that might’ve easily already been covered in a different scene. As far as within the boundaries of a scene the characters were quite aptly explained. I am interested in learning more about Begglar (mostly because he has an interesting name XD) and the POV character because he’s the POV character. The girl herself is unnamed for the narrative. That indicates she either won’t appear later in the narrative or her name is important for a later part of the plot so I don’t know if I’ll learn more about her or if she’ll star only one scene for thematic impact. If she’s important for the later portion of the story I’d recommend describing her physical appears in enough words to give a unique look or personality quirks for a lasting impression of her as much as her emotional impact.
4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?
The girl.
5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?
a. Setting
b. Character thoughts and motivations
c. Character appearance and/or mood expressions
It works perfectly as it is but if anything were to be added maybe more of the POV character’s thoughts and motivations, appearance or mood expressions. If the setting could be used to convey even more of the mood that would work as well but it might just distract so as it is is just fine.
6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?
The dialogue was very authentic
9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?
No, it flowed very smoothly