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Heheh…

😅

 

Get a grip,

Alessio didn’t have any energy to react at all, but the world didn’t stop just because he had. He knew they had to get moving, he had to come up with a plan, that was the only way to survive…

It wouldn’t happen. His brain couldn’t process anything else.

He felt himself pressed tighter, enclosed in warmth like nothing he’d ever experienced. No one had ever held him like that. Immediately he felt trapped, immobilized. But it almost felt like protection, like no one was going to hurt him as long as he was wrapped inside.

His breath was shaky, not as sharp or as fast as before. His eyes stung and every second seemed frozen in time like a dream that never breaks to reality. But he could feel, a soft thump thump pressing against him. They were so close Alessio could feel Nithel’s heartbeat. He could feel his chest rise and fall imperceptibly with each inhale and exhale.

It wasn’t cold. It was dark and enclosed, but he wasn’t freezing cold, every muscle burning with pain. It wasn’t like that.

Drilled into his brain from his first memories, he knew how dangerous it was to show any emotion. It left you vulnerable to anyone who was there, and it left you helpless. To keep your guard, you could never show what you were thinking or feeling, ever. Alessio knew that and was thinking that even as he started to cry, almost noiselessly, in his friend’s grasp.

“I’m sorry,” He mouthed. I’m sorry I can’t be strong for you.

I’m sorry that I’ll never be reliable or steady,

I’m sorry that I’m always questioning, everything you say and do like you’re my enemy,

That I constantly need reassurance, that you won’t stab me in the back, even though you’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m sorry that I’ll never make it easy for you to love me.

I’m sorry that I’m broken,

And you’ll never be friends with the person I could’ve been, if I’d met more people like you and less people like my father…

Alessio’s breathing gradually slowed, matching Nithel’s. Everything was still hurting, and dark, sick with words burned in his mind. I never wanted this, They always told you that you asked for this. It was what you wanted. I never wanted this…

 

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