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theinconceivable1 replied to the topic Any guys out there? in the forum General Writing Discussions 7 years, 11 months ago
@wordsmith Um, how about I ask you a legit question I have and you try and give me spiritual insight : D. It wont quite be a battle of the wills per-say but it would probably be helpful!
@bella-b: Its weird right? Do you like being in the majority or is the minority more your style? However, on the upside, this whole writting forms experiacne has let me make friends with girls I would otherwise likely never talk to XD!
@brandon-miller: That totally counts as official! You should retake the test, you’ve probably gotten way better and I want to know your real score. Oh cool! I’m reading a book thats free with amazon prime called “Writing fantasy heros, powerful advice from the pro’s” really creative name right XD. Maybe I’ll check out your “go ten writers” book if you think its that good!
@parker: Really? *glairs sceptically but hopefully at the same time* I mean when I actually took the test I got an intermediate but Taylor ClogSton read one of my storys and said I was a novice… Are you just, well I wont say lieing, how about “bending the truth” to make me feel good XD. Anyway I read yoru story and here’s what i think:
You have good imagery, things like “Tesline stared, the blood rushing from her face. Fear stifled her breathing, constricted her heart, leadened her feat. The Monster was erupting, yet she couldn’t find the will to move.” Great job, it shows fear really well and helps with suspence. But you tried to do to much in too little time. Its just you try to make Tesline feel the darkest black and then the lightest light in the span of a few minutes. Also you try and add some romance (which you did pretty darn well! Again, Romance is beyond my skill set XD) and the gospel message and I think its just too much. I think if you spread the story out then it would be alot better!












