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Hey all! I wrote a story for the past SE contest, and as it didn’t place, I’d like to submit it for regular SE publishing. I’ve edited it to the point I need fresh eyes to progress further, and would be grateful for your help!

The story is about 5K words long and made of eight scenes. I would appreciate your comments at the end of each scene as to your reaction and opinions regarding that scene.

Here it is. Thanks in advance!