Contemporary Fiction Writers

“Which You Have Ordained” Critique

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #104854
    Taylor Clogston
    @taylorclogston

    Hey all! I wrote a story for the past SE contest, and as it didn’t place, I’d like to submit it for regular SE publishing. I’ve edited it to the point I need fresh eyes to progress further, and would be grateful for your help!

    The story is about 5K words long and made of eight scenes. I would appreciate your comments at the end of each scene as to your reaction and opinions regarding that scene.

    Here it is. Thanks in advance!

    "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

    #104866
    WolverineRM
    @wolverinerm

      @taylorclogston I’m not good at critiquing short stories since my mind’s wired for longer ones but…I’m all for writing about the hard stuff and wow. I loved and hated that all at the same time in such a good way. Keep it up.

      I ask where he got these crazy ideas anyway
      He just smiles and says, it’s the way that I was raised

      #104883
      Taylor Clogston
      @taylorclogston

      @wolverinerm Good at critiquing or not, I welcome any criticism or opinions you have! Thanks so much, though. “Loved and hated” is the exact response I’m going for =P

      "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

      #104892
      GabrielWoods
      @gabrielwoods

        I think your story was good, maybe you could add a little bit more to the scene at the funeral, it was really short but beside that, I thought it was pretty good. In a really sad way.

        Knowledge is having the right answer.
        Intelligence is asking the right question.
        INFP

        #104918
        Taylor Clogston
        @taylorclogston

        @gabrielwoods Thank you! What do you think the funeral scene needs to be more complete?

        "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

        #104920
        GabrielWoods
        @gabrielwoods

          @taylorclogston I think that you should mention more of his surroundings, and maybe something about the service. Perhaps have him think that something the pastor said would contradict his secret.

          but I think that you wouldn’t necessarily have to add anything. It’s up to you

          Knowledge is having the right answer.
          Intelligence is asking the right question.
          INFP

          #104938
          Jeremy
          @jeremydvance

            @taylorclogston

            I would look at repeated words within the same sentence or paragraph. I feel you are trying to do this for emphasis, but it comes off as a little distracting. Try to eliminate unnecessary words to tighten the story.  Press on in your writing!

            #104940
            Taylor Clogston
            @taylorclogston

            @jeremydvance Thank you for the advice!

            "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

            #105034
            Katthewriter
            @katthewriter

            @taylorclogston woooow that was way better than anything i could write! Pretty good!

            Though.. you didn’t do much of my fav part of writing..

            #105037
            Caseybold
            @caseybold

              @taylorclogston Wow! I was completely drawn into your story. Like I only meant to open the document and glance at it but ended up reading feverishly to the end in a few minutes lol. Some grammar stuff and misspelled words distracted me every once in a while, but the idea and your development of it were solid and captivating. Do you read through your stories out loud after you’ve finished writing? If not that might be a good exercise to polish things up and make sure everything sounds right. Thanks for sharing this! I really enjoyed it 😀

              I'm nobody, Who are you? -Emily Dickinson 뜻이 있는 곳에 길이 있다.

              #105045
              Taylor Clogston
              @taylorclogston

              @katthewriter Thanks! What part of writing did I miss?


              @caseybold
              Thank you! Glad to hear it caught your interest. Would you mind sharing the mechanical mistakes? And thanks for the reading out loud advice! It’s a fantastic technique.

              "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

              #105046
              Katthewriter
              @katthewriter

              @taylorclogston

              Lots of description and show don’t tell! (That’s like Daeus’ fav) You had some,  but maybe its just me that puts it all over?  Idk….

              First week without my friend…

              #105128
              Caseybold
              @caseybold

                @taylorclogston sure! I went into Docs and left a few suggestions. While there I realized the misspellings weren’t yours, so I apologize for saying that. I really loved your style of telling the story, and I hope you don’t change it too much 😀 Good luck!

                I'm nobody, Who are you? -Emily Dickinson 뜻이 있는 곳에 길이 있다.

                #105135
                Taylor Clogston
                @taylorclogston

                @katthewriter I gotcha. Thanks for the advice!


                @caseybold
                I super appreciate the notes. Thank you so much.

                "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

                #108129
                Taylor Clogston
                @taylorclogston

                Thank you again to everyone who helped, especially @deeprun and @caseybold. I finished my final edit tonight, and submitted the manuscript. Fingers crossed =P

                "...the one with whom he so sought to talk has already interceded for him." -The Master and Margarita

              Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
              • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
              Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!

              Enroll in Our Seven-Day Mindset Challenge Course

              Enter your email to begin taking the course. We'll send you a link to begin the mindset course along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

              You've joined the course! Check your email to watch the first video.

              Plotting Is Hard

              That’s why we created a worksheet that will help you make sure your story hits all the right plot beats.

               

              Sign up below to learn how to ace story structure.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the plot sheet in one moment...

              Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

              Knowing your character's favorite ice cream flavor won't help you write engaging protagonists.

               

              Our questionnaire is different. Use it to discover your character's core fears, longings, hopes, and needs.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the character questionnaire in one moment...

              Discover What Readers Secretly Want

              We asked 300+ readers what elements rivet them to a story and which turn them off.

               

              Enter your email to get the scoop!

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

               You can download the entire Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers series in e-book form for free!

               Learn how to wisely handle subjects like violence, language, and sex as a writer.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Worldbuild Smarter, Not Harder

               Some worldbuilding questionnaires force you to answer as many questions as possible about your world.

               

              Ours doesn’t. Answer targeted questions that reveal what’s actually important about your world.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the worldbuilding questionnaire in one moment...

              Take Your Style to the Next Level

              The written word matters to God.

               

              Does it matter to you?

               

              Learn how to develop an eloquent, practical, and personal style by downloading our free e-book.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Every Year, Thousands of Writers Give Up

               Don’t be the next.

               

              We understand how exhausting writing can be, so download our free e-book and find inspiration to press on!

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Don't Be That Kind of Christian Writer

              Want to impact the world for Christ with your writing—without being preachy or cliched?

               

              Learn how to avoid common pitfalls and craft powerful themes by downloading our free worksheet!

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the theme worksheet in one moment...

              So You've Got Cliches in Your Novel...

              Thankfully, we’re here to help!

               

              Enter your email below, and we’ll send you a four-step process for ripping cliches out of your novels.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the cliche worksheet in one moment...

              Sign Up for Updates

              Enter your email to receive updates on the Authentic Characters Summit, along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

              You have Successfully Subscribed!

              Does Christian Fiction Need to Be Clean?

              Our Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers e-book examines how to depict sensitive topics like violence, language, and sex with realism and wisdom. Sign up to download it for free!

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Poetry Isn't Just for Poets

              It can also help novelists write better stories!

              Get our Harnessing the Power of Poetry e-book to learn how techniques used by skilled poets can enrich your storytelling.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

              You can download the entire Harnessing the Power of Poetry series in e-book form for free!

              Learn what surprising insights and techniques novelists can glean from poets.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

              You can download the entire Evoking Reader Empathy series in e-book form for free!

              Learn how to craft characters readers can actually relate to.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Uncover the Secret to Relatable Characters

              Learning how to help readers connect with your story's characters doesn't need to be a mystery.

              Get our Evoking Reader Empathy e-book to discover how successful authors build empathy.

              Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

              Pin It on Pinterest