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  • Snapper replied to the topic The Songkiller’s Synopsis!!! in the forum General Writing Discussions 6 years, 5 months ago

    @daeus-lamb Hey, how’s it going? *waves* *offers ice cream* *also raspberries*

    Well, first of all, this sounds epic. Just wanted to make sure that was clear before going forward. 😛

    I think in the first paragraph, rephrasing the second sentence to “saving the world would be a dream come true” might be clearer.

    And perhaps instead of saying “no mercy for failure” it would be clearer to write “no allowance for failure” or something along those lines, in the 5th paragraph, though really, either works.

    Lastly, if you wanted to further combine the last few phrases, rewording it to something along the lines of “But little in the world escapes the corrupting influence of a deep shadow: the ancient tune first sung by his arch-enemy…

    Some call it the SONGKILLER’S SYMPHONY AAHHHH”

    Nvm you don’t have to change that last part. It’s perfectly terrifying the way it is. 😉

    And one quick q: did you see the message I sent you? If you’re busy I completely understand that, though I’ll need more readers later after this first round gets me their edits. 🙂

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