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So sorry for the wait! here’s pt 1 revised

You don’t have to do an in-depth critique, I doubt I’d ever publish this, and if I did, I would probably just make it a webtoon or comic of some sort. In short, just let me know what you think! Thank you for reading!

 

He’d never killed a monster before. Jake took in a breath, trying to ease his nerves. He rolled his right shoulder, the extra weight of the bionic fused to his bad arm and the slight delay in his right leg making him feel unsteady. No, it wasn’t that he’d never killed a monster, it was that he’d never killed one by himself.

A green light flashed, and Jake donned his backpack and picked up his exploration helmet. He headed down the hall, Paris wouldn’t wait forever – and the thrid wouldn’t either.

Jake entered a small room with two large metal doors on either end, controlling who went in and who went out. He crossed the door on the far end, opening the door and entering the antechamber.

His steps clanged on the grate floor, keeping him from falling into the vents that drew the moist air from the room emanating from the portal in the center of the room. It was glowing white with energy, flickering silently but for a faint whisper of wind as it stood trapped in the metal frame preventing it from taking up the entire space.

Jake put on his helmet and tested the filter, taking in a deep breath and finding that it seemed more air came in than if he was breathing normally, perfect for the thinner air he was about to be in.

He stepped closer to the portal, not quite ready to go in. Staring into the frosty white whirlpool full of deafening silence, he considered rejecting Paris’s offer and trying to make it on his own. He could report back to his team, and maybe…

But messing with Paris was a bad idea. Still, he was tired, he’d gone through enough the past six months, and just wanted to sleep.

Jake focused, feeling the cold through his suit. That retirement wouldn’t be gotten just standing here, and he was looking forward to drinking copious amounts of Ambrosia living in a secluded villa, even though he typically preferred not to get drunk. He held his breath and stepped through the portal.

It was just as uncomfortable as every time. It felt like a hundred hands had grabbed him and thrown him forward with incredible force. Like when he was a kid, and his dad had once thrown him in a pool, not realizing he was still too little to swim well… but no one would dive after him this time.

The portal ejected Jake unceremoniously. He staggered across the floor, hearing the wind whistle about him as he stabilized.

The portal station at Pagos was nothing more than a ring of three large circles on a metal platform. it had nothing to capture the condensation and no high-security room to contain any potential monsters. The one Jake had gone through read Olympia – a southern city that dwelt in the middle of the desert on the central planet. and the one on the left, Faya, the capital. Jake’s hometown.

Jake felt a sickening feeling in his stomach looking at it. The portal wasn’t whole. Instead, it was broken in several pieces, as if the thing that had gone through it last had been too big for the portal’s frame. Jake wondered what would happen to the poor soul who tried teleporting here from his old home, his mind flipping through various gory scenarios without feeling too disturbed, the only thing nauseating him wat the thought of being constantly trapped in between the portals, in Nowhere. What would happen to someone then? He shook his head to dispel the thought. He didn’t like big unknowns, and Nowhere was one of them. People had tried going on expeditions there, but no one had ever returned.

Jake noticed the switch that would reactivate the portal. It was large, and there were claw-marks embedded in it and it tilted at an odd angle, as if something had crashed into it. He looked over his shoulder at the portal switched off, little fragments of light floating in the air before vanishing.

Jake turned away, forcing himself not to worry about it. It was out of his control; all he could do was focus on getting the thrid. If the switch didn’t work, he could always call the station.

He pulled out a pair of binoculars from his backpack, pressing a button on the side, it began to show the heat-signatures of his surroundings. Most was a mix of blues and purples, and half of his field of vision was interrupted by a range of ice mountains in the distance, their claw-like peaks jutting into the sky.

Jake lowered his binoculars and walked toward them, supposing it would be a good idea to get a lay of the land from up there. His footprints quickly dispelled in powdery snow, and only his measured breathing kept him company. But it wouldn’t be for too long. He was supposed to meet up with the others on his team once they arrived on Pagos that he’d found the thrid. But that wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t see any of them ever again. To them, to her, he’d be dead.

Jake sighed, almost wishing that everything would go to the plan that everyone else was going to follow if it meant that he might have a better chance to explain to her. But that wouldn’t be the case. The entek was too just, and if ever she did catch up to him, all he could hope for was that he’d be able to outwit her.

He shook his head as if to remove the thought and turned his gaze to the range of peaks, searching for the best path. There was no point in looking back, it simply wasted time. Besides, he had that retirement to look forward to, and then he could forget everything. But there was no use looking forward to the future until his job was done and the tokens were in his hand.

He examined the jagged slopes pointing to the faint outline of the planet Pagos orbited, his gaze locked on a small protrusion of ice nine meters up.

Jake took advantage of the low gravity to leap to the spot. He lifted himself by his metal arm. The climb was much easier than if he had attempted it six months ago. The fire – but that was why he wanted to keep his mind off things.

Jake straddled the narrow summit, looking at an unnaturally dark ocean spreading past the horizon – what would his brother say if he saw him now? He wrinkled his nose as a sickly-sweet smell invaded his nostrils through his scarf, what was up with him? This was not a time to reflect.

Jake surveyed the area, seeing a dark mass of machinery adjacent to the ocean. It was an old wind-turbine for generating oxygen to make the atmosphere a little more habitable converted to a ruin, judging by the fan paralyzed and chipped with age. He held up his binoculars, seeing strong heat signatures from within the structure, and something moving inside it. That had to be where the thrid was.

Jake slid down the mountainside, the low gravity turning his descent into a smooth glide – until he fell into a snowdrift. Shivering and muttering a string of curses, he reemerged. He dusted some snow off his shoulder, Isn’t this suit supposed to be able to handle this kind of cold? Paris had likely cut some corners on his equipment… he didn’t care much about the health and safety of debtors… especially a stepson he never wanted in the first place.

He pressed his lips together and sighed, Marian would’ve been able to get him out of this mess. But there was no time for wishing. She wasn’t here, and the last thing he wanted was an enforcer – even if it was his girlfriend. Well… ex-girlfriend. She didn’t want a man like him… and… if he was being honest… he couldn’t blame her. It was best she forgot about him. Only half of his story was enough to make her break up with him. He shook his head again, he’d lost his chance to have a real life a while ago.

Jake’s eyes fixed on the turbine. He stepped close to the drifts, crossing his arms. He always hated being near the outside of gigantic structures, it made him feel small – like he had never shaken his childhood, when he learned how to tell a lie, to steal what he needed at no cost to himself… a cold fear of what might happen if he was found out… because Paris always found out. He began to move towards the mechanical monstrosity, thinking through what he had to do:

1: Find the thrid. Already doing that.

2: Kill the thrid. A blue lizard-like reptile armored in its own scales that could survive extremes of cold and heat – although he had the best bolt-gun money could buy, a thrid’s hide had higher resistance levels than the strongest metals man had come up with… and as if it wasn’t dangerous enough, it was the size of ten grown men. For good measure he had a pistol with poisoned bullets at his hip, in case it ever came to close quarters it should be easy to target the thrid’s soft palette.

3: Find the phial. It shouldn’t be too hard… he was the best thief he knew.

4: Hide the thrid so the Exterminators wouldn’t find it and tell Paris’s goons.

5: Fake his death, so the Exterminators wouldn’t be suspicious, and assume he was eaten by the thrid or drowned in Pagos’s ocean.

6: Get his money, go, and retire somewhere obscure.

Jake heard snow crunch and froze. Unseen, he dove into a snowdrift. He cursed under his breath. He’d been forewarned that he was going after a highly intelligent thrid – but he was not anticipating a creature walking on its hind legs and dressed in clothes that were a far better make than his. He grumbled another expletive. It was the Institute’s project… of course it would be crazy…

The thrid turned its massive head toward the ocean. Jake pressed a button on the side of his gun, it tremored as energy built inside. He glanced at a glowing cylinder by the trigger, only two shots before he needed to load another charge. He inhaled deeply as he brought the weapon to his shoulder, aiming at the back of the creature’s head. As Jake exhaled in a near-silent sigh.

The filter rapsed, the thrid’s head swiveled, turning towards Jake as he shot a jet of yellow light. The creature shouted, its hoarse voice drowning out the noise of the blast as the shot struck its shoulder and it fell to its knees.

Jake pulled the trigger again and hit the monster in the chest as it tried to stand. It staggered and crouched, watching as Jake approached while inserting another charge. It shouted: “W-wait!”

Before Jake could react, the thrid knocked his legs out from under him with its tail and he fell on his side. The thrid snatched away his gun and fled towards a gaping hole in the side of the bunker.

Jake pursued as he drew his pistol. The monster turned around and shoved him, sending Jake flying across the terrain and tumbling to a halt. He stumbled to his feet; blinking the stars from his vision, seeing the thrid aiming the gun at Jake’s chest. Jake tried to back away but felt the frozen edge of the ocean crumble under his foot.

Thinking in the speed of a portal disintegrating, Jake prepared to fire, but before he could do it, the thrid flung the gun at Jake’s head, and he ducked, the weapon clipped his shoulder, knocking him backward and into the waves.

The ocean was not water. It was much less dense, and Jake sank as if he was loaded down with rocks. He scrambled for the surface – but his strength was giving out, and he wasn’t ascending. As Jake’s lungs constricted and his vison began to tunnel, a clawed hand reached for him. Jake gasped, inhaling a lungful of a bittersweet substance. Then everything went dark.