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@the-inkspiller

First off, I want to say that I’m a 15-going-on-16-year-old girl that’s been home-schooled her entire life and has no practical skills other than horse riding, math, and CPR. And if that doesn’t make you think twice about my advice, well, then you’re no ordinary human. But we cynics rarely are.

I relate. Or at least, in a way. I’m cynical. My friends and siblings call me pessimistic for a reason. Yes, I can be happy, but ordinarily I just don’t see why smiling has to be my “resting face”. It gets tiring to go around pretending things are all right, and I personally don’t understand people who do. No, I’m not the most open person about my feelings, but if I don’t feel like being around you, I’ll show it. If I don’t want to talk, I won’t. And if I’m feeling particularly down, I get cynical and pensive at the same time.

I used to get angry. Very, very angry. I’m trying not to any more, so I personally think being cynical is a step up. Lots of people don’t agree.

But I’m not going to dive into my life story right now. I know I have faults. I know I should try harder, but some days I don’t feel like it. I get down, and depressed, and it’s not just a ‘teenage thing’.

My writing goes the same. I actually made a topic here, asking people what they thought about darkness in fiction. Because my writing is dark. There are demons, and Satan, and evil people. No one’s perfect. One of my main character’s mother was burned at the stake and then he went on to earn a rep as an assassin, only after killing his father–the man who turned his mother in to the guard. If they caused him pain, why shouldn’t he cause them some? After all, that’s human nature.

Not that the story ends completely hopeless. In fact, by the end, there’s plenty of hope. No insane noble acts, but ordinary people trying to make a difference. Fighting, and dying for a difference. There’s blood and tears, and people hurt each other and hate each other–but in the end, a difference is made. Sure, it was hard, but they did it. Even if some didn’t make it.

I’m ranting right now, so I’m going to stop before I take up an entire page of ST’s forum space.

Au revoir, mon amie.

Gloriam Deo.