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Aydin

It was so loud and dark. The room was spinning, voices and screams echoing off the walls, louder, harder and I had no idea where it was coming from.

I tried to take a step backward, desperate to escape the darkness, but the floor seemed to sweep out from under me and I fell hard, the breath knocked from my lungs.

Something touched my back, grabbed at me. I gasped and scrambled away, trying to escape it, whatever it was.

The noise made my ears ring, throbbing, seething. I covered my ears, hunching into myself as though I could protect myself from whatever was in the darkness. It was coming for me and there was no use trying to run away. The noise wouldn’t calm, one of the screams seemed to cut through me, the darkness so thick I thought I’d gone blind. I couldn’t disappear. It would still find me.

Light. Sudden, blessed, warm light punctured the darkness. I pulled myself up even though my knees were shaking and stumbled toward it.

It was Father, he seemed to glow with warm light. I didn’t even hesitate but buried my head in his shoulder in a sudden embrace.
He returned it, holding me close, protecting me from everything else. The noises quieted to a comforting hum. 

“That’s it. It’s safe here, I know the outside is dangerous,” he said, his voice soft. I wouldn’t look up, wouldn’t move. Just for an instant, it was warm, and safe, and quiet.

Then I felt the warm blood leaking down my back again, soaking through my shirt, the shards of pain lodging in me. I gasped and clung to Father tighter. He could make this stop. Why didn’t he?

His hand traced along my back as the wounds reappeared, slowly, even though there we were alone. It hurt as much as the first time and my breath caught. The second cut sliced through my back and I let out a smothered cry. 

“No, please,” I begged, my voice breaking.

He didn’t let go, didn’t stop. The third cut wrapped around me and I winced, trying to vanish.

“Please, not again, I’m sorry, I won’t—“ My words drifted off, lost in the sudden sea of pain.

“I love you, you know that,” Father said, quietly.

The pain made it hard to breathe, made it hard to think, the warm blood pooled in the cuts and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I struggled, unable to stifle another whimper as the cuts throbbed. I managed to break free, to look him in the face.

The buzz of noise became louder, the confused voices again haunting and terrifying.

“If you do, why don’t you make it stop?” I demanded, a sob rising in my voice.

Father’s eyes went hard as the next cut wrapped around my upper arm, slashing my back in the process. I tried to force back the tears but it was no use.

“Why are you crying? Stop it,” he said, impatiently.

I took a deep breath and forced them back, gritting my teeth at the ache spreading through me. I shouldn’t cry.

‘’Please, make it stop—“ I said, my voice too quiet, too soft. I couldn’t look him in those sharp eyes. He could see right through me and he didn’t like it.

“I’m not doing this,” Father said, quietly, stepping closer. I fought the urge to flinch away. I didn’t want to be near him. But I’d just hugged him, instantly, instinctively. How could that cooexist?

“You are, you can make it stop, please,” I said, as the next cut stole my breath. Dark spots danced before my eyes. It was no use trying to push through it, each cut hurt more than the last, the pain building. More tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes and I turned away, too ashamed to let him see it.

“No, I’m not, you’re dreaming things,” he said, stepping closer again. “You’re doing this to yourself.”

Was I? Why would I do that? How could that be happening?

I looked up at him, incredulous.

“Why— how—“

“You know what you did,” he said, his voice suddenly so quiet. “You know you deserve it.”

He fairly towered over me, far taller than I ever would be and more intimidating. He would always be stronger than I was. I couldn’t win. Did I want to? Did I deserve this? What had I done so wrong all my life?

“Why do I?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

“You deliberately went and threw away everything I’ve ever done for you. Do you know how much that is? Do you think you would have gotten into the Siya by yourself?” he said, his voice rising as he stepped closer. I looked down, looked away, bit through the pain as I’d always done.

I wouldn’t have. I wasn’t capable enough, and I would never be. I’d proved that when I refused to kill anyone after that first time. I was weak, a coward, and I’d never be anything more.

“Yes, you are. You know it doesn’t have to be this way. If you’d just cooperated none of this would have happened. You could have changed all of this and instead you choose this. Why? What’s wrong with you?” he demanded.

I didn’t know. I could have done so much better. I could have been safe and happy. He could have loved me if I hadn’t done what I’d done. Refusing, rebelling, sabotaging. Why? I should have known better. I could have turned all of this around. What was wrong with me?

“I’ve done everything I can for you, and every time you throw it away just because you can.” He placed a hand beneath my chin and forced me to look directly at him, but I still turned my eyes away. I couldn’t look at him.

“You’re past a second chance. Do this one more time, and you can save yourself as well as you’re able.”

With that final warning, he shoved me back into the darkness. The light faded, the shrieks rose to a higher volume than they’d ever been, crackling and breaking through me.

My back burned, the raw wounds tearing open wider every time I moved. I curled into myself, trying to block out the noise, the presence, the darkness that wouldn’t leave me. I deserved this. I could have chosen differently and I hadn’t.

The undefined presence came nearer and I thought I heard cold breaths, felt something closing in around me. I closed my eyes and sobbed. It tore open the cuts right as the thing—

I shot upright with a gasp. The dream was so close, something with glowing red eyes glared at me from a corner, there were people all around and it was so loud.

I shrank deeper into the corner, my gaze flicking back and forth. What was happening? Where was I? How had I gotten here? Was this real?

This wasn’t safe, none of this was safe. I tried to disappear into the corner.

The people were talking, screaming at each other.

Someone nearby was sitting and massaging his leg, talking to a slight girl with hard eyes. Wait– she’d been here before.

My eyes flitted back and forth, then found Niarok. Oh, of course. That’s what had happened. More or less. I thought I’d dreamed Liorah had arrived.

My gaze was drawn to the group of people arguing. One of them was on the ground, one of the others was almost standing on top of him, their boot pressing him to the ground.

I recognized the dark braid and the hard tension in her posture. Oh, no. What was wrong with that girl? I was halfway across the room before she could escalate to drawing weapons.

She was hissing something at him, voice hard and vicious. Yes, this was absolutely Liorah and she was in a rage.

“Five minutes, I asked you not to pick a fight for five minutes,” I said, my voice still cracking from sleep. I was still so tired and everything hurt from the uncomfortable position I’d been sleeping in.

I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her off him. A spark of static flew between us. It wasn’t even dry in the cave.

I was genuinely worried about him, mostly because once Liorah was in one of those passions she thought even less than usual.

I hadn’t known it was possible to make decisions without a single thought in her head but Liorah had proved me wrong repeatedly.

It was just a bit too easy for her to shift her movement and break a rib if she threw any more of her weight into it. Or otherwise, shift her boot up and place it on his throat. She could absolutely kill him and she knew it. Liorah knew how to find vulnerabilities.

She shook me off, her hand already clenched into a fist. I scrambled backward. Liorah could and would hit me if she felt threatened.

That was my first indication that all wasn’t right.

“Do you think that’s any way to get me to notice you?” Liorah hissed, rage in every word.

The memory came flying back, of that one time Liorah and I were looking for information in a coffee-shop. Some man had tried to talk to her and she hadn’t taken kindly to it. One thing led to another and he’d grabbed her wrist to get her attention. She had almost stabbed him in the throat for it.

Liorah felt trapped. Maybe guilty but definitely trapped, and when she did, she lashed out with all that in her was and that was an awful lot. She was determined not to let it happen again. It was a panic response.

And it was partially my fault.

I didn’t get too near her.

“Liorah, I think you need to stop,” I said, without letting any doubt or fear slip into my words.

She flatly ignored me. Alright, she was beyond reason. Now I had to distract her.

“Honestly, is it too much to ask that you let me sleep for five minutes without picking a fight?” I complained again.

“It was almost an hour,” Liorah retorted, still staring at the man. She shifted her boot. She was making a decision of what to do and this wasn’t going well.

“Alright, an hour. We have a new personal record. You have the self-control of a very small mushroom,” I said, sarcastically.

That made her look up, eyebrows raised incredulously.

“A mushroom? You’re joking.”

It had worked.

“Okay, you’re right, a mushroom has more,” I relented.

She shot me a glare, but took her weight off the man’s chest. And kicked him in the side. I winced in sympathy but Liorah considered that good enough and turned to me.

“Are you alright now?” she asked, her eyes still flaming.

I glanced to where I’d seen the crouching black thing with red eyes. It was gone.

“I’ll live,” I said. The nightmare was still haunting me, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Why had Liorah decided to make enemies right now? I was stuck with it too.

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And it was high time for some more Aydin angst! So, I just copied the last nightmare I wrote for the book XD What do y’all think?