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@this-is-not-an-alien

I love your annoying villain!

Thanks, for some unimaginable reason, I love him too XD He’s incredibly fun to write. I think it’ll be interesting to see how he reacts in some actually dangerous situations.

Something interesting I realized about him is that he has wayy less empathy than Chantara. It’s kinda weird that he’s always so happy but he doesn’t have nearly as many qualms or morals as Chantara. It’s kinda creepy how at home he is in darkness XD

I’m experimenting with how I “show” my accents. Can @anybody tell me whether they “heard” Meira’s or Sloane’s better or smoother?

Okay, I’ve thought about this some. I ‘heard’ Meira’s accent clearer, but I had a much easier time understanding Sloane. Meira’s accent was hard to follow at times, but it was very clear what it sounded like. Sloane’s requires a little more imagination, but I can picture it quite well.

I think a middle ground would be perfect.  I think it could be interesting if you generally didn’t write them out phonetically, but only mentioned their accent once or twice (Like you did with Sloane.) But keep the little linguistic quirks, like Meira’s ‘blinky’ and other odd words.

If you want to make it extra clear, you’d write it kinda like you write Rosario. Stronger and more phonetical when they’re nervous or excited. I think that could be interesting!

It doesn’t matter as much for the castle, but I think it could get hard to read if you wrote an entire novel with phonetic accents.

Oh, and about this bit:

It had been a running banter of more and less friend competition between the races of Casumbra. From her time with dryiniad emotional communication (lacking normal tone of voice) her “posh” sounded more like “push” and “sport” like “spot” and every couple words seemed to pop or curl cheerily, particularly her ‘t’s and ‘d’s.

I did get the idea of what you were trying to convey, but I’d spread it out a lot more. Like, if there was a part where she actually said ‘posh’ you could say: “Her accent made it sound like ‘push'” instead of putting it all together.

I like the image of the t’s and d’s popping and curling. I can ‘hear’ that, and it gives very nice imagery.

Kongar

“For a more, perhaps, fitting question where precisely am I, you person?” A female voice said.

I spun around on my heel, flipping my knife around in my hand, ready to throw. A woman had appeared behind me.

Though she was armed, I was well out of her reach and she was within mine, so I relaxed. I twirled my knife between my fingers, almost dropping it, and grinned.

“I’m not generally called ‘you person’ but whatever you like. Wish I knew,” I said, cheerfully.

“We all seemed to have stranded here in various ways from various places and I’m pretty sure we’re all going to die isn’t that brilliant?” I said, in a rush.

The woman was far taller and older than I was, with lighter hair and skin. One eye was blue and one green. Odd.

“Anyway, you can keep calling me ‘you-person’ if you like, but it’s rather a mouthful, ain’t it? I’m actually Kongar. And that’s Chantara, she’s sulking,” I said, jerking my head toward her.

I heard Chantara give an annoyed hiss and I shot her a grin. She was glaring from beneath her raised hood, her pale green eyes flashing hard and dangerous from the shadows. She looked like a human nightmare, more than ready to cut my throat. She was always so ‘endearing’ after an assignment.

“Now, about the goose,” I resumed, to everyone in general. “I could find out if its gift is immortality, invulnerability, or regeneration pretty easily, but if I guess wrong we’re going to die faster. Does anyone have a problem with that?”

_________

I’ve got to admit, my first thoughts after writing about him is usually something like “Kongar, you dumb idiot.” XD I love it XD