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@devastate-lasting

WOW! That was truly spectacular! I was completely sucked into the scene! I love it, and your lovely voice matches the scene so well! (Also, love the title!)

1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?

I think the implication of all the backstory, and the boy Chen Mai pictures. The one with the rose. That was fascinating, and I’d love to know the story behind it!

2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?

Even though the scene was kinda routine, it still had this underlying sense of dread, because you said the world was ending. There’s also a sense of melancholy like Chen Mai is missing someone. She seems sad.

3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?

All of them, actually! They all seem really cool and have a foundation to become interesting characters.

4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?

Chen Mai! Totally! She seems so sad, I want to give her a big hug!

5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?

a. Setting

b. Character thoughts and motivations

c. Character appearance and/or mood expressions

A and B. I think you could have described the setting a little more. I have no idea whether they’re in a city, or out in a town, or what season it is. The few snippets you give are nice, like the curtains blowing in the wind. That set the mood and gave me a really vivid image.

Although it’s the first scene, I do think you could have developed Chen Mai’s voice a little more. She felt as though she was distracted because she didn’t have any strong opinions or many reactions to things. It gets better toward the end when the earthquake starts, that was really good!

Your character appearance descriptions are spectacular! I have no idea how you managed it, but you gave me one or two details of the characters and I still picture them vividly and detailed. That was exceptionally impressive! I do think you could maybe describe Chen Mai as well. I don’t think you did?

6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?

It flows pretty well! I liked how they sounded like their ages and personalities!

7. Did you learn something in this scene that you wondered about in a previous scene?

Since it’s the first scene, this question doesn’t count 😉

8. Did this scene make you want to read more scenes? (Why or why not?)

YES! I really need to know why the world is ending, who that boy is, what happened before, what’s going to happen now and– Yeah, everything. I’d love to read more of it!

9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?

I feel like the first interaction between Chen Mai and Yan Ling was a little dragged out, it felt like they were circling around their point. If you were purposefully trying to make them feel like they were awkward around each other, that would be fine, but otherwise, I think you could shorten it a little.

10. Is there a particular part of the scene that stood out to you as your favorite? (Why?)

I don’t know if this counts, but I love the prose! You have a talent for using specificity in a way that adds to the story. You give very specific details in a way that makes the story more immersive and that really drags you into it. I’m still trying to work on that, but you do it really well!

11. What, if anything, would you change about this scene to make it more interesting to you?

I think you could add a little more of Chen Mai’s voice, basically giving her stronger opinions and reactions to what’s happening around her. That way you can find out a lot more about her than just about the scene.

12. Is there something in the author’s audio reading of the scene that you picked up on that you might not have noticed if you had just read the text alone silently to yourself?

I don’t know, I think your narration definitely made the scene feel more alive, but I can’t pin down anything specific.

This was awesome! I loved hearing it and your characters sound amazing!