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@parker

First of all, great job on your story! (In case you didn’t know, I love short stories…)

1. I would say yes, although I would probably word the first sentence differently.
2. Oh, hey, I just answered your second question 🙂
3. I liked the character of Tesline and her family. I liked how you snuck in descriptions of her, it really brought her distressed image in mind. Although, Paiten’s entrance felt a little sudden and interrupting the flow. I would love it if you could sneak in a flashback or some kind of a story of how Tesline and Paiten connect.
4. This part is kind of difficult for me to answer. I understood why she was distressed and I guess I could sympathize with her, but the last bit kind of felt forced. (I’m sorry if I come across as being unsympathetic. Since I’m the kind of writer who loves DARK elements, I would probably have Tesline go through all kinds of self-doubt and more time spent on not forgiving herself until she finally can have peace. Of course, this also has a lot to do with her character, too, so you’d have to decide.)
5. I wouldn’t say I didn’t like the ending; if you do, however, want to end it on a lighter notice, I would end it with some kind of active voice…Perhaps paint a picture of the ‘quieted down’ background?
6.  Ha, ha, nothing “glaring”, mind you, since I’ve only been writing for so long, but I would say that you might want to take a look at some passive voice since there were some. Although, I liked how you used sentences such as The wicked face of the mountain formed an evil grin at the escaping peasants as if it knew it would overcome the village, which showed personification of the mountain as a monster. (And in case you didn’t know once again, I am a great fan of personification.)
7. I don’t know if the ending was jarring. I would say it concluded without me being surprised about it, although it did feel a little preachy. Once again, I might want to show, not tell. (Okay, that’s what everyone’s been saying and honestly, I am a bit at a loss when this happens to me, too.) I think you might want to recount the last bit with more showing the readers Tesline’s emotions and thoughts inside her so it would feel a little more natural.

Overall, I think you did well, and great job! (Also, you should always don’t have to take my word too seriously or anything since my siblings dubb my stories as being dark humoured. :P) I had fun reading and critiquing your story! If I come up with some stories of my own, I would also appreciate a feedback. 🙂