Activity

@allison-grace oooh, I really liked it! The pacing was quick and the entire prologue grabbed my attention. The length was perfect too.

Besides what @sarah-inkdragon said, here are my thoughts:

– the POV was a little confusing. I had a feeling it was from Joshua’s POV, but at the start, it felt omniscient (or all-seeing), and the transition was a bit bumpy to just Joshua’s POV. Changing that might make the first section clearer.

– I liked how you kept the prose concise, as it worked really well with the action! I would suggest adding a bit more description though. Not like describing every place the character encounters, but highlighting some important details (a vine on the wall, the whites of the horse’s eyes, a streak of silver in the elf’s hair) can really bring the scene to life and set the mood without any telling (there wasn’t much of that, btw 🙂 ). That could also strengthen the fact that this is a fantasy, though I never felt that it was anything else.

– On more of a line-editing note, I think the second sentence could work better as the first sentence, if that makes sense. Some readers are prejudiced against prologues (I don’t know why, because I always read them XD), so grabbing them with a more unique opening sentence could be good.

– Other than that, I LOVED your characters! Joshua immediately felt like a guy worth rooting for, and I already love his sister. Plus the elf character really caught my attention and put a nice twist to the action.

Anyway, I really enjoyed your prologue! 😀 If you ever need critique for the next chapters, just let me know. I want to know more about Glendale 😉