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mistyemerald replied to the topic Dear Diary in the forum Critiques 7 years, 4 months ago
@pendragon… oh, I love a good sailing tale, and this is quite promising!
I am not very good at this sort of thing, but I shall toss in my two cents :).So I really love the overall feel of the story, and I love your descriptions (especially, ‘I crouched down beside the grave, my fingers sinking into the muddy dirt.’ I think the culminating of description up until this point is very well done and I can actually feel the cold, squishy mud in my fingernails *shudders). I like the initial development of the main character as well, and the twist is cool.
That being said, there are a few things that confused me a bit. The first thing to do would be to write an entire book, and explore the whole scenario better (— if you do, I’d love to read it!!). As it is, Charlotte seems very eager to up and leave everything at a moment’s notice. This certainly could not be out of character for her, but at this point we don’t really know enough to say for sure. Certainly, she has a wanderlust (I can relate), but one would wonder if she experiences any other feelings at the prospect of being captain. What is her relationship with her parents like? How does she feel about finding her grandfather is a pirate? I wonder if she would be disappointed, or relieved?
The last quick thing is the bane of my own writing: always try to show, not tell :). I, personally, am terrible at this, and you did a pretty great job at it. Especially in first person, which seems to be more difficult to apply this bit of writing skill.
Sorry, that was rather long-winded and all over the place, but I hope I was slightly coherent. Overall, I love your work, and I hope to read more of it! Great job!












