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@beth20

Sorry I’m late with this. It’s definitely easier to read. Good job with the edits! I just have a few comments to make:

First, try to show instead of tell. For example, instead of saying that their mom is out looking for a job, show it through the characters’ dialogue and thoughts. Like, you could have one of the kids ask if Mom is home yet, and through another character’s explanation, the reader would learn that their mom is looking for a job.

Secondly, in the dream, the character actions seem a little unrealistic. If Ethan knows his commander is already in a bad mood, would he really insult his wizards so bluntly? To me, it would seem more realistic to have him hint that the wizards are lazy, or diplomatically say it in the way that isn’t outright offensive. But this also depends on your characterization. Maybe you intended for Ethan to seem like a blundering underling who says too much. (no offense to your character! :))

And also, maybe Aclabar’s reaction is a little over the top. He seems like the cold, calculating sort of villain who wouldn’t waste energy lashing out at some soldier who talks too much. Or if he did, he would do it in a more subtle and sinister way. But again, it all depends on your characterization. Maybe you intended for Aclabar to seem over-reactive and short-tempered. I don’t know enough about him to say anything for sure.

These are only suggestions, so you don’t have to feel like you have to take them. Great job with improving your first chapter!