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  • Katherine Baker replied to the topic A (Short) Story Of Mine in the forum Knaphollow Writing Discussions 7 years, 5 months ago

    Wow! I loved it! It had one of those ending that lingers with you long after you’ve finished reading (those are the best endings). I can’t stop thinking about the last sentence.

    Just a couple little critiques:

    1. There may have been a bit too much dialogue. I wonder if you could imply some of what was said instead of having the characters say it outright.

    2. The sentence “There was a sudden increase of rustling as someone walked up and quietly proceeded to lay down on my right” felt a little awkward. Particularly the “sudden increase in rustling”. Maybe break it up or be simpler.
    As an example:
    The rustling grew louder now. I heard someone lay down beside me. 
    Not exactly like that, but I think you had a few too many descriptions for me to absorb in one sentence.

    Other than that, it was great! Excellent work!

     

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