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@rebekah12,

First off, that is SO intriguing!! I can totally envision the slick deck and pelting rain. Your descriptions are vibrant and your dialogue realistic. But before I go rattling off, how detailed of a critique would you like?

@skylarynn,

Concerning description and stuff, your revised version was much better!

 Nadia sat relaxed on the low wall and sang of old legends in a voice like spiced honey.

I loved that simile! Well done!

Did you change your plot, though? I though Alexander fell into the river? *shrugs*

Anyway, for the second installation, good job!! I liked how you switched between Ada and Nadia. Be careful how often you do that, though, or you give readers whiplash as they jump between people. 😉

Her blue eyes were wide and startled at the sudden noise.

Wait, her eyes are blue? You described them as “deerlike” in the last section, which I now see must mean wide and scared like a deer’s, but when I first read that I thought they looked like a deer’s in color and shape too. *shrugs* This is more just commentary than critique, though. It’s not at all important, so feel free to ignore it!

One more not-very-important-thing-since-I-can’t-find-major-mistakes-in-your-writing: you used the word “call” twice to describe the sound coming from the mountainside. Maybe try using a different word once? Once again, it’s no big deal, just something I noticed. 🙂

*arches eyebrow* Wyvern? Interesting… and familiar… post more please! 😀