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@mckinley Good story! The memory-wiping bit honestly hit me as kinda terrifying, in a good way. The sisters have great names.

I liked the characters, especially Remi, but both sisters felt way younger than fourteen and sixteen to me. If you hadn’t mentioned their ages, I think I would have guessed they were eight to ten, and I would have thought Remi was older (she played a more protective, proactive role).

The sisters were at a school at the beginning of the story, right? What were they being taught? The Community apparently doesn’t want them to be educated, so why is there a school and what are the kids learning?

How do the Enforcers erase people’s memory? The Community doesn’t seem very technological. It’s not surprising that Remi doesn’t know how the memory-wiping works, but I think there should be at least a hint of explanation.

I kept feeling like it was too easy for Remi to sneak around the law building without getting caught. And I didn’t understand why the one Enforcer pushed her to the side but then didn’t do anything else.

About the pacing, it’s true that short stories don’t need a full structure like novels do, but I did feel like the ending came a bit abruptly after the midpoint. Pretty much, the midpoint feeds right into the Third Act. So you could add a Second Half of the Second Act, where Remi acts on her midpoint realization and makes apparent progress toward her goal. Maybe she talks a sympathetic Enforcer into letting her stay in Paisley’s room, gets Paisley to remember something from the past, or gathers important information somewhere in the law building. And then maybe she gets caught by the Condemner instead of turning herself in? That would start off the Third Act (the scene in the Condemner’s office) with a crushing defeat. @toklaham-veruzia had some good suggestions as well.

And finally (yikes that was long XP) I liked how the theme of loneliness tied everything together and how it drove Remi’s simple but thought-provoking character arc. It was fun to see her put her sister first even though Paisley didn’t share her viewpoint.