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  • Profile picture of Mr.Trip Williams

    Mr.Trip Williams replied to the topic Critique desired… please help (3k words) in the forum Fantasy Writers 4 years ago

    I need a picture of the tannik’esh. Like now. XD

    haha! so do I!!! Let me know if you find one!

    I looked back out, but the saliero was gone. A young buck circled the ground at its feet and laid down in the middle of the clearing. I’m pretty sure the “its” in this sentence means the buck, but when I first read it, I thought you were referring to the saliero’s feet, and it was gone. *shrugs* Thought it was worth mentioning.

    You know, I wondered that myself, but at the same time… I didn’t change it because the young buck circled the ground at its feet, but it also circled the ground where the saliero’s feet had just been……. so if it is read one way or the other, I figured it was still accurate….

    “In high elevation volcanoes,” said Yaxkin. That was so funny. XDDDD I don’t even know why. XD

    haha. perhaps it is because it is Yaxkin saying it… but I am super glad the characters are relatable and distinct. Yaxkin and Nicte are twins, but their personalities are like total opposites. And the friendship between Semiramis and Aefflaed (my protagonist) is very important, because in the next book, the protagonist is Aefflaed’s son… Aefflaed died when her son was young, and an invading army kills Hanniumm before the second book begins, so her son (Abirami, who is the character I am using in the character castle) is orphaned and subsequently raised by Semiramis. (But don’t worry, Abirami takes after his parents. =) )

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