Activity

BURN

[Do I have to be alone right now?]

[But I guess it’s fitting.]

 

Isn’t it funny though? When you think about it? My entire life – well, everything I remember about my life – has been spent worrying about number one.

Yeah.

This doesn’t change the fact that I am my own worst enemy. It’s me, myself, and I that beats me up. Me, myself, and I that makes the monsters. Me, myself, and I that kills my confidence.

I’m the one who lies to myself. I’m the one that gets myself in trouble. And in the end, I’m the only one to blame.

Yeah.

Yeah. That’s the dirty secret.

I spent so much time looking out for number one. And did I ever really need to?

 

[My fingers fumble over the switch – I studiously ignore the glowing magic. I shouldn’t be able to see that punk. Not at all why? Why is that my life?]

 

There’s a door that Oscar put in my bedroom. I can lock it. And I do. I keep it locked all the time. But if I ever want to, if I ever need to, I can just … open it. And then he’ll wake up. Just for me. No matter what – he said. “No matter how late or how silly no matter what, I’ll be there for you.”

But I have to be in my bedroom to use that door. I have to stay in his little safe bubble to even need him. And why would I need anyone when I’m in a safe little bubble?

I don’t want to be safe. I want to live.

And if I crash and burn before I turn thirty, so what?

 

[It’s cold. So cold in this water. I can hold my breath longer than the average person. A useful talent punk. But I’m not sure where I got it. It was probably before Grimme and Oscar.]

[Still, I’m running out of air. I kick upwards – hopefully – and pray that the rumbling I hear is the water draining from this … tank. I guess.]

 

You know. I don’t know what I stand for?

Yeah. That’s a bitter thing to admit. I spent so long looking out after number one that I never cared to think about anything else.

What do I stand for? What is important enough for me to not run?

Look, even the things that people say I’m “doing for others,” I still can run. Be a scout, a ranger, a Runner – find big bad Shads, run from big bad Shads. Lead them away to paths “seldom trodden.” Just run.

Can’t lead them away? Run to the nearest towns, fast as I can. Warn people that they’re coming. Don’t stay long enough to help out because you need to warn the next town. And keep going even if they probably won’t need it. Five towns. By the fifth town you can stop running. Usually. Unless they are super far away from each other. Or super close together.

Still. I. Run. Away.

What would I stand for?

 

[Where’s Search? Where’s Umberuin? We were just talking. Trying to figure out what is going on here. How to get out. Is that why this happened? We weren’t playing the game?]

[Pff. Of course. Reminds me of Willow. She’s all the scary parts of Oscar times 100.]

 

Grimme always managed to have a mission near me. She does something similar – a Warrior though. She’ll stand and fight the Shads. So I warn a town and run and she warns a town and stays. That about sums it all up, punk.

I ran from them too. They raised me for five years and then I ran. Just ‘cause I kept bumping into them didn’t change the fact that I ran.

 

[The water’s draining away. But … how do I get out of the tank? Is there something that will open up? Or … will I just be stuck here?]

 

What do I stand for? Because I feel like I’m taking a stand now. I am still. I can’t run. And as long as Search is here, I won’t. I’ve got the be a Warrior not a Runner. And I don’t know how.

All this time I only looked out for number one and now that I don’t want to, I can’t find her. Preposterous.

[Wait until you’re free before giving up hope.]

Still.

What do I stand for?

And if I look out for others, do… they become my worst enemy?

 

[The water’s gone. But I’m still stuck in this tank. Of course.]

 

.

.

.

 

SEARCH

[Where’s Burn?]

[Where am I?]

[What’s going on!? How do I escape?]

 

Why did I take the time to make friends with Burn?

I mean. It was objectively stupid. He had orders to hunt me. He was tangled in the cult that had just kidnapped me. He literally tried to leave me to die. As bait. For Colds.

I should have run as soon as it was safe to do so.

But I was never good at running.

 

[Maybe I can break the glass. I’m skittish of that switch.]

[No. that’s stupid. I was never strong. I’ll have to risk it.]

 

Knowledge. It’s power. And people can’t take it from you.

Now. They can keep you from getting it in the first place. Okay. There’s something to that. But once you have it? They can’t take it. That’s where the fun stuff begins.

Knowledge. The immortal lodestone – attracts anything and everything.

Burn showed me a lodestone once. it wasn’t very strong, but all the metal we were wearing pulled toward it. He said that’s why metals look like trees – branching out in the rock all pretty. Because they were being slowly dragged to the lodestone while they were growing. That’s why miners mark where lodestones are. In a few generations, you might fine another metal or ore vein there.

 

[I can’t hold my breath any longer. Why? This isn’t how I want to die. But how did I get here in the first place?! Where’s Burn?]

 

When did I first decide that Burn would be my friend?

Well. I guess we’re more committed to each other than normal friends. Well. He’s practically my brother. Whitely helped us figure that out.

But really, even at his worst, Burn makes time to call me and check in. and he listens to me. He doesn’t tell me to hurry up. He doesn’t tell me to talk about something else. I mean, I know me. So I’m not surprised when eventually he stops paying attention. But the think is, he’ll catch himself most of the time. And start listening again.

Mom doesn’t do that. Never did. I guess it’s cause she’s a Consul and running This Place is more important than one person. Which kinda makes sense. I shouldn’t be so bitter about that!

Yeah. That’s why I became friends with Burn. He listened to me.

 

[Air! Just a little bit, right at the tippy-top. But it’s air!]

 

You know he does that with everyone? Listen. And ask questions.

And he’s not afraid to not know something. He’ll be the idiot in the room and proud of it. Just let him know! Things!

And people are so amused at the idiot they don’t realize the power they’re giving him.

He isn’t smart. He’s cunning. And impulsive migraine. But cunning.

 

[Okay. Can I break the glass now?]

[Wait. What’s that?]

 

[Bang.]

[Bang.]

[Bang.]

[Bang.]

 

[Someone’s out there.]

[I’m not alone.]

[I hope they’re friendly.]