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@theswordinthebook

I liked it. I was certainly drawn into the story, and I sympathize for the character you have here. Jane has some great advice (I’m definitely going to have to follow it myself xD).

Here are some of my reader’s opinions on it:

1. This seems a little more like a Chapter One to me, not a prologue (though, that’s probably because I haven’t read the rest of the book). The cliffhanger has the reader wanting to know what happens to the character, and if the character isn’t really a main part of the rest of the story (which, in my experience, prologue characters aren’t), then it’s just like “aaAHGHGHGHG WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM!?” If that makes any sense. xD If this lil dude is the protagonist for your story, then I suggest maybe changing this to a chapter one. If he’s not the protagonist, I would personally give this a more mysterious vibe. I don’t know how to do that (probably the “show don’t tell” rule like Jane said), but maybe you could look into that.

2. I like this guy’s spirit. I think he’s a character that the readers would really root for (I was like “yoU TELL THAT SLAVE-DRIVER MAN AIN’T NOBODY GONNA RULE YOU”). Very well done on him. He’s a neato lil buddy. 😀

It’s so cool that you’re writing fantasy! Another fantasy writer! *high-fives*

Good luck on this, it shows real promise. I hope this has helped you.