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Evelyn replied to the topic Fresh Poems! in the forum Poetry Discussions 7 years, 2 months ago
@mgtask Wow, this is a gorgeous poem. So vivid and gentle…. like a boat ride down a stream. (Look you’re making me poetic just reading it. xD)
As to your question, I don’t know how to word that better. Maybe you could go with an approach more like this:
For the One Who died for the life to give
She had wanted to love back,
To give thanks,
Working and waiting
And praying and hoping
Then weeping and screaming.
Now she saw His glory worth all the days she stayed
All the days of pain.
Something like that? It might help better explain that she’s not doing it to earn her way to heaven, but I would continue to mess around with it because I feel like you could find something better. 😛
It was a lovely poem though! Thank you so much for sharing it. (:












