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Wow, I’m pretty sure you helped me more than I helped you…oops XD

That is a pretty good one!

You’ve got internal thoughts of the MC. You’ve set up a degree of loss, feelings of failure, disappointment, contrition, and an odd juxtaposition of her mother and sister as spectators in her prospective torture and death.  You’ve introduced tension and threat, and pivoted with a prospect of “the unexpected”.

Well thank you! My writing is often times pretty cheesy so I was really worried about that one.

Indicate what emotions her mother and sister might be feeling.  Is it what we would normally expect, or are the mother and sister consenting to and in agreement with her punishment?  That definitely would surprise the reader because it would be jarring to their normal expectations.

Yes, I had actually thought of that about 20 seconds after I had posted that lol. That was my first time ever pointing it in words on (well, not paper…) My point is, is it will need some editing.

If you do that, however, you might want to build a little more tension into that opening.  Have her consider the devices of torture that might be present, the bodies of her fellow prisoners, the aspect of the disapproving crowd, the gloating to the executioner or the magistrate or authority who apprehended her and brought her to this point.  Build up that tension and the threat. Is she to be hung, beheaded, electrocuted, quartered, burned at the stake?

That really gives me something to think about. I’m pretty sure I will do it as a prologue because if I don’t most of her story will have to be presented in flashbacks and too many could make the story clash. Also, I don’t know if I’m prepared to write in that type of style.

Give us a sense or a hint of what happened to her “father, Nick and the baby”.

As of in the prologue? If I don’t give too many clues it will add to the reader’s list of questions. Do you think this is a good idea or do I need to put more details in?

On the contrary, these are not “pretty bad”. They are quite good, in fact

Oh my, idk about that. 😂 Thank you though!

So I’m not sure if I helped you at all XD I see what you mean about how the second one is better, I think I just like the way the first is set up- the way my dramatic voice reads it, perhaps. I really do appreciate all of your help and encouragement! Unfortunately, “Ick” follows me wherever I go and I can’t ever seem to get rid of him. I don’t have access to a dungeon or else he would be there more often or not. That would be helpful sometimes lol

I’m just curious, by the little bit of info you know about my novel (more than anyone but myself, I might add) does it actually sound like it would be, well, good??

Thank you again for all of your help!